  Here we are, the two of us together Takin' this crazy chance to be all alone We both know that we should not be together 'Cause if we're found out, it could mess up Both our happy homes.. ann, maria, may, dobie and I are listenin' to the radio this morning then mr. joe played this on. I remembered a girl I once loved way back in college. she was a friend of petite, my bestfriend then. they were three in the group - petite, ellen and rhoda. petite was a year older taking up accountancy and I, psychology for that matter. I was in first year then and happened to have a room close to her so everytime we had a chance, we do chat and that was when I was introduced to ellen.
she's just the typical, simple girl you'll bump into school. she's quite taller than I am, chinita, fair-skinned, has a close resemblance to bianca lapuz. I must admit that I had a crush on ellen the first time I laid my eyes on her. Unknowingly, she had a crush on me, too. Petite told her about my feelings for her but I didn't bother to ask her reacti. rhoda has a crush on her also.
rhoda is the type of person that can get anything she wants, just like me. the only difference is that I get mine in a subtle way unlike her. obviously they have more time together because they are classmates. rhoda tried so hard to get the attention of ellen. of course i know, petite was feeding me the info's. they became lovers.
I got hurt when I've learned about it but as I've told my buddy, I can't do anything about it anymore. that's when I diverted my attention to a guy-a childhood sweetheart and close family of ours. I was so focused with the guy when ellen called me one day and asked me if I still have feelings for her. I smirked and grinned. I asked her back,'why did you ask?why do you care? ' besides I know that time, they were on for a month already so I didn't really bother to answer her seriously.
actually, I just gave the phone back to petite. I don't really care. am i? that was my fault. me ignoring that situation depressed her because she honestly admitted tha I was the one she really loves, not rhoda. it hurt her so much that she intended to get back at me and she was so confident that my relationship with jon would not last long.
it did, she was right. we lasted for a month and a half. he was committed, too. damn! I always put myself in a situation wherein I know I'll end up as the loser. she focused all the love to rhoda, supposedly for me.
I ended up sulking on what happened. I was so devastated. I just realized that ellen was the one I love and not jon. but it was too late. I tried to kill that feeling but I just simply can't she's always on my mind, I always see them in the campus. as if everywhere I go, her face was scattered all over the walls in the campus.
then one night, a voice on the other line was so familiar-ellen. she was cryin', blamin' me for what happened. I shouldn't have let her go, she said. we ended up cryin all night. I couldn't say a word. I still care for her and so does she.
she asked me the same question, 'do you still love me? ' immediately i said yes. oh well, I still love her okay. but I know it's not gonna be that easy. rhoda is still around and when she founds out, she won't take it that easy. she'll make my life so miserable.
to make it short, we continued our so-called 'relationship. ' gail, my other bestfriend in college knew everything that's been happening even if I sometimes hide things from her like I will cut classes just to meet ellen and have lunch with her and because rhoda is not around. at times, I do feel like it's just a one-way thing but didn't care as long as I am with ellen. all my friends doesn't approve of it. maybe because they really care about me. I know but I love ellen so much.
but there was one incident that really tore me apart. nobody knew about this, not even gail-until now. I asked ellen out after our final exams and told her that we are going to a friend's house. it was our monthsary and I prepared dinner. she was supposed to come at 5pm, but I waited until 8pm. she didn't came.
jenn called her up and was told that she went out with rhoda. she didn't bother to call me up or paged me her whereabouts. I might understand. they just heard sobs after sobs all night. I couldn't talk. I didn't know what to say.
all I know is that I was so hurt...really hurt. ellen tried to explain though but never bothered to listen to her alibi's. months passed and haven't heard from them anymore. they were busy with their feasibility study. I was busy with mine, too... one night, when all my garbled thoughts are scattered all over the ceiling, I asked myself, I mean I tried to convinced myself that I made the right decision and would not end up havin' regrets again. I told myself nobody can ever hurt me like that anymore, nobody.
I was up all night thinkin. Did I make the right choice? I guess I did. Yes I did... 
