  bolt.com is a fucking whore. it wont let me log in even though i know i haev the right password and login name and then when i make a new accout so i can fucking find out what the hells going on it tells me im on line as cherry639 even though im not, for fucks sake its so stupid. anyways, im perfectly calm. this weekend has been better than normal coz i didnt have to go to work and ive been txting someone pretty much the whole weekend, lol. im seriously fucking bored now though, i have nothing that i want to do except cut and im not allowed to do that.
it sucks. i hate fucking quiting. its just messing me up more. and i really wanna cut coz of some shit that happened last thursday. my b/f says hes ok with but i know hes not. i know he loves me which scares the hell out of me and i know i shouldnt have done the stuff that i did but i was trying to have a good time ffs.
even though what i did wasnt really part of me trying to have a good time, it was just shit that happened. my b/f came over today but only for a while coz he had to go home coz he was going out, oh yay, how fun that was. i think he was kinda annoyed coz i was txting a guy who he now has issues with coz of thursday although he said he wasnt. its so fucked up. my mind is getting really messed up and shit. i just wanna curl up and die, or have someone kill me, that would be fine too.
oh, and one of my best friends hates my b/f and says we have to talk bout it coz of shit thats happening and im just so fucked with everything. if youre in love with one guy and like another and shits going down what the fuck do you do? i mean, this is probably gonna fuck up a few of my relationships/friendships, but seriously, what the fuck do i do? do i carry on with the guy i love and then get really hurt when it all falls apart as it always does or do i just fuck it all and piss around as much as i can?
i mean i know i wont fuck around coz i like my b/f way too much to fuck it up now, but the little things in your mind are always there, the what ifs, the i wonders, its so fucked. and by the end of this i will be amazed if i still have any friends, let alone a b/f. FUCK 
