  sometimes i read things and they make no sense but i really want them too. no matter what i do i cant figure out what theyre supposed to mean. maybe i look too deeply and theyre not meant to mean anything at all. but then i think that everything thats written must have a meaning. prehaps my mind just doesnt work the same way as other peoples. i guess some people do write stuff that has no meaning.
i would like to put a congratulations on this blog. i dont know that congratulations is the right word but i know what i mean. this message is to someone who, i like to think, is very special to me, and who deserves to be "congratualted". i know how much effort it takes to do what you did and im so pleased for you, i hope it continues. i dont like the fact you felt like that but youve shown you have a hell of a lot more strength than me. and im proud of you.
it sounds so stupid, but i am. that will, hopefully, make sense to someone. it may well also piss someone else off but i feel i had to say it. i hate not knowing whats going on in some peoples minds. to look at them and know theyre not ok but still have them say it is so horrible. i do it a hell of a lot but i guess we all have our flaws.
i think im gonna have to make an effort to be more truthful about how i feel and then hopefully others will be more truthful with me. no matter how much it may hurt them or me. i think thats pretty much all the dren i have for now. except for the fact that no matter how ungrateful and lost in the past i may be, i wouldnt change my present. not anymore. i like where i am in my life.
i guess its just a shame i dont show it more. i also have to learn to be able to say i love you. three pretty small words that are really hard and get stuck so often. and then theres one i seem so practised at, sorry. and its how im going to end this. sorry. 
