  So... where do I start now? I've gone and convinced myself that everything is grand. Hah, who am I kidding? Well I just spent some time reminiscing with one of my best friends the way we did all the time last summer, staying up late and bullshitting about how everything is, was, or will be. I missed that. A lot. More than anyone will probably understand, and more than anyone could possibly care about. After everything, I'm glad we could just pick up right where we left off. Besides that, I guess its ok to just spill all of this crap right here, right now since no one will probably ever read it anyway so I don't think it could do that much harm. I never thought that talking about ice cream could piss someone off so much, but leave it to me to succeed in doing that.
Maybe I've just been doing a whole bunch of little things to piss him off and I didn't realize it till it, I just made him crack, or maybe there's just some hidden crime in simply saying you want ice cream. I don't really know. All I know is that my very own frigging boyfriend completely flipped out on me, entirely out of nowhere when I said that. I really don't fucking understand it. Part of me is convinced that for whatever reason, I completely deserved that. And part of me resents the part of me that thinks that ( I dont want to become someone else that I know so well).... I'm sure I did something to provoke the flipping out-age... I just dont exactly have any idea what it was that I did wrong. And after this happens all I get is a repetition of "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole, go ahead and say it.
" Yeah I'm sorry you're an asshole too. No attempts to even make me feel better... you hand me a phone and tell me to go home. Then you call me this morning to say you get off work at 8 and that I can call you then if I want to talk. Its not my move. Hence the fact that I didn't call. You pushed me away. You flipped out on me.
You can fix it if its worth it to you. The way I see it, if you don't try, its not worth it to me, because I didn't deserve that.... or did I? I don't know. Maybe if you explain it to me.... There's more bullshit, but I no longer feel like sharing. Cool. My life is grand. Here we fucking go again. 
