  I have so many things to write about, but I really don't know how to start...well here it goes. Recently I have been oddly...depressed. I don't know what I am to be honest. This was supposed to be the best summer ever, but so far it's had it's ups and downs.
Alana, Arianna, and Becky's parties = ups...and most of the other time is down. I finally got City of Heroes (an awesome video game) working. I have been nasty to some people and just ignored others. I am beginning to feel bipolar, seriously I am in a completely different mood sometimes in a matter of seconds. I am starting to loose track of who I am. I am not this boring person. I think I need to hang out with people more! I need people to be happy. Really I do. Alana when we are together it's non-stop laughter and I love every second of it, I really do. You can make me go from a furious and crummy mood and turn the mood completely around and I can be happy for the whole day.
All of my friends can do that, and I appreciate it. I miss people already and I can't stand it. Why do I have to go through this? I don't know if I am strong enough to do it. I just wish that I didn't have to go through this, I am being separated from people that I have known and have loved for so long.
I need these people to stay with me, I feel like they are walking away from me and I am just letting them go when I want so much to scream out and tell them to get back here next to me, but I can't. I am just disappointed that this summer isn't so amazing, like it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be the summer of all summers. It's not to late, I am determined to turn this summer around, for me. I want more than anything to love someone, unconditionally, and forever. I want to love someone, so bad. I am not to young to love, I think if I love someone this sadness will go away. But I don't know who to love, and I want more than anything to unleash these emotions that I have.
I wish I could be with Hannah because for so long I have wished that I could love her and I wished she would love me back, but I don't know if it will happen. I am trying so hard to be realistic but I don't want to let go of these feelings that I have had for so long. I need to talk to someone so bad, just to explain the situation and talk about it. I am tired of being confused, I am tired of being unsure, I just want to know what I want.
I am such a weak person, I regally thought I was strong but I'm not. I am a weak, normal boring person. My friends are my world, I sometimes wonder why they even like me, but they do and it makes me feel so amazing knowing that people actually like me. I really don't know why. I am such a weak person, and I don't know my friends are so amazing I don't feel like I am good enough to be their friend, and yet, they still talk to me and make me feel better than I ever thought I would feel.
But I want to love someone, I really do. Because I think if I have some person that I love that loves me back I think that I'll love myself. And that is something that I want to do, because when I accept myself and love myself I will know who I am. Which is something that I am not sure of as of right now... 
