  i duno what to say im all torn up inside,  my screen is blurry and my mind is torn dad ( or.  mums husband,  i guess im sposed to think of him as such now.  )  and i were at it again,
 and he said some things that i hold in a protected place in my mind because the thought hurts so much,  and he admitted to them and beat them with a stick,  and it was evil and bad and i feel like running away,  i dont know where id go and i dont have any money but it doesnt matter,  i just want to get away from him,  hes always yelling and teasing and harrassing when mum isent around,  i feel degraded and im afraid im going to relapse,
 and have to go back to the place,  and go back on meds,  and be poked at by the people with clipboards with their sterile rooms and white sheets and everythings so white and clean your certain youve gone mad and i havent,  im not mad,  im just confused,  if he doesnt like me so much whyd they take me in,  why not just tell me to get the fuck out.  itd hurt so much less 
