  I am spending a great deal of time at 3:28 a.m. just thinking. I do this alot late at night, when I am awake most. I am thinking about my friend up in Washington State, and her stressful life situation dealing with work, and how it seems to be degrading her in both mind and heart. I worry for her, and her peace of mind. I hope she recovers and is in a position to heal soon. I am thinking about my best friend back home, who is no doubt asleep at this insane hour, or if not, headed there soon enough. I am recalling all the adventures he and I have shared over the course of our long friendship, and smile at the reflection that alot of who I am today is a result of the many things he has taught me about loyalty, creativity, and exploration of the world in which I live and breathe.
I am thinking about how he always seems to remain vital in the world, no matter what discouragements or trials befall him. I think about how, when I was at my lowest point in my life, and when I was not a free citizen due to mental illness, he was the only non-family human being who came to see me, and it was on his own initiative. That, is a true friend. I am thinking about my friend I met back in Nacogdoches, whom has since moved back to his family's area.
I think about the political education he has given me, and his shining sense of humor which can turn any major catastropy in my life into a SNL skit. I think about all he has endured before and SINCE he and I met, and realize that like the friend I mentioned prior, he is a true-blue lifelong friend, and also has always been there to lend his support and wisdom. I think about our mutual interest in gaming on the pc, and how that small gap was bridged and led to so much more a fulfilling thing than just mutual interests.
I am thinking about the online communities for which I am a part of, and all the multitude of minds that go along with that. I am thinking about how they share so much depth and personal clarity for me, and how I have learned to be open minded, steadfast in my arguments, and open to criticism. I am thinking about how, at the end of the fucking day, no matter where these people are, or who they are being, we are all in this life together, friend and foe alike, and in the final say on things, I belong. I am also thinking about the creative talents for which I seem to have been afforded at birth. I truly believe in my deepest parts of me that were it not for these creative outlets, I would have ended my own life, long ago. I have this insatiable need to create ideas, and express myself. I cannot explain, nor fathom this truly well enough for my own tastes, but I recognise this as a vital part of the essence of my being, and know that, no matter how bad life may sometimes become for me, I can always find some way to weather the storms, as long as I can create something that, although remains outside of my actual being, is as much a part of me as the dead skin cells I shed daily. In final commentary on this thought-stream, I am thinking about heroes. What I mean is that I am thinking about heroes of the world in which I live.
I am not talking about cops, soliders, nuns, or doctors, no, not those kinds of people. Rather, I am referring to people who, like I wish to, will never give up what they believe in, nor what they demand to posess in this life, no matter the obstacles, such as disease, persectution, ignorance, or stereotypes which may come along in their daily lives.
I am talking about the poets, the artists, the musicians, the political dissidents, and the hackers of the world. Not computer hackers so much as those who just hack, which is an umbrella statement to be truthful. I salute all those who may be awake at this ungodly hour of the morning, who read this and can relate, or at least understand that, were you me, you would be respecting those who are around you. Sometimes, I think too much. Writing like this gets it out. Anything less than this would be my doom... 
