  Its quite obvious I do not maintain my blog regularly. That is probably because I know that few, if any, people actually see this. What I do keep, is merely as a vent for my thoughts. I used to keep a journal for quite some time, but a very unfortunate turn of events forced me to not only discontinue keeping one, but to destroy all of my old ones. I don't think I want to get into that today. Perhaps another time. Today was my wife and I's five year wedding anniversary.
We mostly just spent the day together and had a nice lunch at a restaurant. With a 19 month old child it is terribly difficult to do anything real romantic and lets not forget that my wife is currently 7 months pregnant with our daughter. The day turned sour when we discovered our son has "pink eye. " No real harm done since he is already on an anti-biotic for his ear infection. No harm other than about 2 and a half hours wasted in the ER since our doctor isn't open on Saturdays. I am excited about our daughter, but scared as well. Lately the reality of having a girl is really setting in. The dangers, both for her and myself, are starting to bother me. Things I've never really thought about when I had my son, but now disturb me regularly.
I haven't seen her face yet and I am already picturing my little angel that I do not wish to grow up. I am already feeling hints of jealousy and sadness at her dating and eventually marrying. I already can imagine the horror and anger I may feel at the major roadblocks her life may or may not run into. I suppose being a man, I see how my son may be able to deal with life. I also know how I can help provide for him in both tangible and intangible ways.
For my daughter though? It feels like a whole new ball game and for good reason, it is. I'm sure I will learn along the way just as she will, but the anticipation is scary. Perhaps it was the lack of bonding that I have with my parents, or the realization that "Father Knows Best" is far from reality, or any other number of issues, but I am nervous. Nervous of becoming a father......again. 
