  Life's too short.... Don't know what did it, but what difference a day makes. Gone are my funk and despair, I am once again clear headed and not going full clip in every direction anymore.
I feel bad for some of my actions lately, but I cannot apologize for being human. We all at one time or another get so excited about new things, and new tastes that we can go nuts. If I alienated anyone these last few weeks, I apologize, I hope we can get things back to normal.
To my new friends, sorry if I came across too strong, not my normal MO, but I hope I didn't scare you off. I am a very sane, and usually reserved person. The coolest thing has happened since I went to my first support group last Saturday, I have started seeing myself as Ashley in my dreams all the time. Before that I was mostly my old male role in my dreams, with the occasional female form as a treat. But now, its all Ashley all the time. I don't know if going to a function with a group of my peers was the catalyst for this nice development, or what, but I do enjoy it.
Before when I did dream that I was Ashley, it was as a genetic woman, there had been no mistake at birth, total fantasy. I have been dreaming now about be Ashley as I am in reality, and last night I had a dream that I was post op. Gone were the disillusion that I was never like this, and that time some how went back and fixed it all. Now I am happy with my present form, and looking forward to that next big metamorphis thru surgery.
In the dream I was dealing with some issue(I think it was a big project at my job, not sure what I was doing, but had a deadline to beat) it was nice to see myself after surgery, and healthy that I saw myself dealing with a problem. Surgery won't fix everything, but it will go towards fixing a good amount of problems. I also think that I have finally realized that I am fine with the fact that I am a transsexual, in a way it is a bit of a privledge.
I love being a woman, I am not complete yet, but in essence I am treated like a woman by the outside world. Unfortunately in the world we live in there remains to this day different sets of standards for men and women, some I enjoy, some I don't. It will take me time to get used to all the different stuff associated with being a woman. The part where I feel privledged comes from my life as a man, I did many things I could not have accomplished if I had been born female. More doors of opportunity were open to me by an old school sexist few, and thanks to them I can go and be female.
I am not trying to demean women in any way shape or form, I have been on both sides of the gender fence and I have a little extra insight. I will miss some of the stuff I used to get away with in my male form, but I have a whole new bag of stuff at my disposal now. I look forward to experiencing more new things as Ashley, while I use the skills I learned from my past time of privledge. I am finding it cool to be a multiple threat in both business and personal stuff, I am told I look good, so I try to look nice, but I also use my wit when I can, beauty is fleeting. I also keep trying to learn new stuff, you have to stay up on things and not rest on your past, this drive I got from being a man who wanted to be a woman.
On the homefront I do lots of things good associated with both sexes, I can cook, I can work on a car, I can knit, I can watch and discuss sports. I can make you something pretty and artsy, or I can catch, clean and cook a fish for you. I get the best of both worlds from being this way, the only bad part is the pain that it takes to make this journey. urlLink postCount('107832422897436633'); | urlLink postCountTB('107832422897436633'); 
