  "Yes sir, we will fix that for you"... Ok no ambition to go out, will do shopping in the am before twenty and go to Hartford when I get back from PA. Catching up on shit I need to do calling Dr.'s paying bills and such. Also studying and doing a little knitting. Called my gp's office to have them do another script for Scott for the inhaler.
I went into old voice just fine, but I had enough. I have been delaying changing the name on my insurance for a while since Co and the kids were still on it. We got them situated on other plans now so its just me. I hate the fact that I am in RLT yet I still had to do some shit as Scott if only by name. I even had bloodwork done awhile back and freaked some poor lady out (I think) by her seeing this gal named Scott get bloodwork. So I called up my insurance company to change it to Ashley. I get this really nice guy Jeff on the phone and he asks for the name on the card, I tell him Scott he replies "How can I help you sir". I cannot explain the feeling I felt at being called sir, it reminded me how truly unhappy I was with myself while a man. So I give him my new address, and I had mentioned a name change at the beginning of the call. Jeff says "ok, you said you had a name change too sir?
" "Well its a little more then a name change, the sir changed too. " I replied. "Oh! What is your name now then? " he asked squeamishly. I told him the name, I could feel his discomfort and awkwardness through the phone, but we got through all the stuff we needed to and he ends the call with "thank you sir, we'll get that new card right out to you.
" Ok I almost went apeshit on him, but I decided to let him slip. I was using an inbetween voice that could go either way, I am sure he doesn't deal with changes like I had every day, so I kept quiet. I don't care what some guy answering phones thinks about me, as much as I care about finally getting rid of one of the last remnants from a life I sorta miss at times, but a person I do not. Its hard to love what you did in your life while hating who you were. I have a hard time explaining it to anyone. I am very proud of how I came really out of nothing to achieve things I thought I wouldn't achieve in my life just a few years earlier, but I hated I had to achieve them as Scott. I miss some of the stuff like Co, kids, house, old friends. But I think the universe's way of paying me back for pulling this on me is all the great new friends I have now. Before friends would be people you go play hockey with, grab a drink, talk sex, and then go home. I thought that was friendship and camaraderie. Now I go twice a month sit and talk with a great group of folks as we try to help each other through some tough shit. I have friends that I talk to constantly online, from all over the country, even one from out in Australia. They are folks of every shape, size, gender,and preference. I go hiking or do other stuff with some of them too.
This is nice. Before most of my old friends were just a bunch of testosterone ridden boys with a common love of sports, that's it. My new friends are good people, some ahead of me, some behind me on the road to full transition, but all good folks. I even have made some friends in the gay community also. Before I was thought as a homophobic Republican type, since I portrayed the conservative professional white male.
I WAS(past tense) the republican, but never the homophobe. Now those who know about me, are very kind and open to me, its cool to belong after not for so long. So while I wish my life had been different then this path I am on, I am certainly happy I have had the honor to make so many friends on that path. I hope I am as much of an asset to you all as you have been to me. Love to all, take care. urlLink postCount('108395351205866842'); | urlLink postCountTB('108395351205866842'); 
