  Wisdom, karma, and the Divinity of depression and such... I was going to blog this morning on my further dissection of the events of last night. I hate being in this phase of things right now, recovery. Usually after a low time I spend lots of time evaluating everything so that the next low period in my life can be easier to traverse. I need to stop living life as a scientific formulation, and just fucking enjoy it. I have been missing jokes, over analyzing intentions and on guard lately. I need to get back to basic Freud where a cigar is sometimes just a plain cigar, and enjoy others and enjoy situations.
I have been an observer of life for too long now. Before it was a necessary defense to learn how to fit in and shield myself from discovery. There's not much left to discover, I am an out transsexual right now, who knows how long it will last, and if I want to change it now I would have to move and change jobs, but I'm not anywhere near done yet. I don't know if it was the cranberry juice clearing out the cobwebs in my mind, or the few days I have had to prepare to delve into it, since picking up this great little paper in Great Barrington the other day. It is called Wisdom, the website is urlLink Wisdom I will let you guys take your own journey there, and I will not reproduce the authors works that I enjoyed, it might screw up my karma.
The first article centered around the paradox of doing and being, and that we are not in total control of our universe. Basically if we do not embrace who we are and just go from there we will be filled with negative energy and lose the joy out of life. Over simplified by me, but also fully embraced. If I except who and what I am then I will be happy. Ok I heard the brakes of the minds of all who aren't trannies just lock up back up and read a few times.
You all are being a little to over simplified in thinking, "you say your happy with your fate and who you are yet you are pursuing a life altering change". Sorry for speaking for you, but I am sure I am right on for this one. You fail to see there is more than binary in this life, more flavors than just vanilla and chocolate. Yes I am a biological man, but I am a biological transsexual man. That is my fate that I must embrace and not hate, the fact that I am transsexual and I must work through being as such.
Will I emerge something else on the other side as I continue to grow, who knows it all depends how honest I am with myself, how I find exploring to be, and if I allow myself to be true to myself. It will be fun to find out, and I do not feel burdened as much by who I am meant to be in my life. The second spoke on the divinity of depression. I loved lots of this one. It spoke on how we as a society just give out pills like candy to people when they are depressed and cut off the path of communication between what is causing the depression and the outside world.
If we just give a pill to make it go away how can we grow and heal from it? I personally find depressed or down times in my life to be some of my most in touch with my soul or creative self. I go from commentator on the world, like my present mode, into myself so much I open doors to emotions and thoughts and then exorcise them like demons through my poetry.
I am not an overly depressed person, nor do I look at it in my case as a disease, it is a process in life, nothing more nothing less. What we take or bring into that process makes the difference. On divinity if depression was pure divinity then I just had my turn to be god the last few months. But seriously it brought to me some good thoughts on divinity. I am now more spiritual than religious, I believe in God, but I am not sure what God is, and what Gods role is, notice I have been leaving out pronouns since I believe God is above gender.
I was raised to believe in the Christian God, and allot of me still does, it make the most sense, but had I been raised as a Hindu would it still make the most sense to me? The parent in me sees a benevolent creator, one who loves his creations(sorry for the pronouns) but lets them go on their own after a certain point. I look back to teaching my kids to walk, we at first helped them up and helped them take a few steps and such.
But we had to let them do it on their own after awhile, if we kept helping what incentive would they have for doing it on their own? Soon they were trying it by themselves, and we were there to catch them if they fell, but not interfering in the process, all the time not letting them know we were there to see how much they were willing to do without having the security of a parents involvement. This is one way I envision God, loving us, helping us when we fall, but letting us grow, explore and giving us the opportunity to fall. The scientist in me sees almost an accountant type of god, one who is constantly tallying pluses and minuses and reformulating your karma constantly.
I am a big believer in karma, and believe that good deeds done without thought of reward go rewarded and bad things go punished. I don't know if this is true or not, like I said it is the scientist in me. The whole universe can be explained through physics and one of the basic laws of physics is that each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Ok, I never took physics but I read lots on it, so I may be wrong on the fact of it being a law. It could be a theory, laws cannot be broken in physics, theories can. But I do believe we are accountable for our actions, not to be cast into a lake of fire when we die, but in the joys we experience in our existence.
I don't know though using this theory how to explain a very nice guy I have known online for awhile and recently met. He is truly one of the most selfless and all around nice people I have ever met, always giving, always looking out for others feelings. Yet for all his hard work, he has a bad fate, he is stricken with a disease that will cut this existence short, yet I see no bitterness in him.
He doesn't believe in a Christian God, yet he still lives his life the way Jesus taught his people to, not for fear of burning in hell, but because it is the right way to do so. I know this person will be let into the best place in the after life. He is being good without having the fear that if he isn't he will perish. A much stronger act of goodness then most Christians I know. I wish him all the best and if I could would send him some of my good karma in a hearbeat. The romantic in me thinks that god is love, and we are all creations of his love. Or that gods energy from his love live in each of us, and it is this communal energy that will someday reform into god with parts of all of the good parts of us and all our lives we have lived. I don't know which is right if any of them, I hope it is a long time before I find out for sure, I still have work left to do in my life yet. Sorry for all the deep thoughts on a Friday. Love to all, take care. urlLink postCount('108211280227389369'); | urlLink postCountTB('108211280227389369'); 
