  I forgot that I was pissed about something..... My sister-in-law has a really nasty habit of needing everyone to feel sorry for her and always pulls these little "woes me's" when there's a special occasion. The latest thing was last weekend (on Krystina's birthday). My mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) is buried about a block away from our house (not a very good idea). Whenever we have a gathering "J" goes up to the cemetery and comes back all depressed. Don't get me wrong....I miss my mother-in-law, loved her more than my own mother!
But the circumstances of her death were self-inflicted and well....it's a story that I'd just rather not get into. So anyways....we're going on 4 years now since her death and I'd still like to move away from here. Anyways....so she went up and came back all upset because the flowers that she planted were not doing so well (um hello, it's been extremely hot). Basically she came back and gave Tony shit about her flowers being dead. Tony's the type of person that doesn't believe in having a memorial type thing done up at a cemetery plot...we visit, we pay our respects, we occasionally put flowers but we don't go on a daily pilgrimage to tend to someone else's flowers.
Even though it's only a block away, we just don't have the time. If "J" wants to have a "garden" set up there....then she can take care of it. Are we being cruel and unfeeling? Again, the circumstances of her death have a lot to do with my own feelings but you know what? "Fuck you and your needing everyone to feel sorry for yourself. You've become a self-righteous, pious individual who can't be herself anymore. I'm sorry if we've offended you, I'm sorry if we're not "pure" enough for you, but you really need help and need to get off your high horse! I get enough of this crap from my own mother and I'm not about to tend to someone else's self-pity. She's gone, she's not coming back, she did this to herself and to all of us, she didn't care about anyone enough to save herself (when she was 100% capable of it, and was warned over and over) and now...you want me to go on a daily trek to water your flowers.
You've never even said "thanks" for taking Tata shopping, or for cooking for him, or taking to the doctor's, dentist's, for tests, the bank etc. etc. etc.. Once again....it's the same old shit, I'm not heading out to a "real" job so I should have time to water your fucking flowers! Sorry! I DO have a full-time job, I just try to cram it in when I'm worn out from all my other duties of being mother, wife, taxi driver, bookkeeper and the list goes on! " Okay, I'm really sorry guys.....that stuff just started pouring out. There's so much more to the story between myself, Tony and my sister-in-law. Tony could probably write a book on it. You see, I don't go through crap with just my own family, ie. my mother, but with the other side as well....Tony will be the first to agree. Maybe it's just too much to ask for people to be themselves, to be positive, to be fucking glad that they're alive!
Hell we're on this earth for such a short time....let's enjoy all that we've got, we could all be doing a hell of a lot worse! Wouldn't you agree? It's Saturday night, I'm in pain (OMG, I'm feeling sorry for myself?!?!? no I'm not! ) I'm enjoying some vino....thinking about my friend Cindy, who I'm hoping is having a blast! and I just had this urge to vent. Like I said...the story goes so much deeper....maybe one day I'll fill you in on everything...but for now....the tips of my fingers are getting numb, so are my lips for that matter....and it's time to sign off before I start writing stuff that I'll look at tomorrow and go "OMG what the hell did I write that for?
" Cheers! 
