  eeeeww. how i hate that feeling of being full. just wanna get rid of that shit- but i know i shouldn't. my "godmother" passed that not-nice exam. she really deserved it. but we all know how its like in this unfair country, dont we?
:p vacation...except for one 'event' i'm not really looking forward to that time. because i know i'll have to decide what to do later in my life. i feel that this summer will be special - i'll have to make decisions and judge some things so that some of these some will become clear. and this won't be easy. i have nothing to write about because i already did it on paper. my throat burns so badly.
aaglik this is. i don't know what to do with myself. i simply don't know...where to go? what to focus on? hopeless. but hey!
you haven't discovered america now, babz. you've known that for quite a long time but you'd tried to ignore it. but you do that all the time with everything. you don't like problems, engagements, risks. you prefer it quiet, without any complications - everything easy. easy life.
yes. easy life. but that's impossible. besides it wouldn't give neither inspiration nor would it shape my character. i am just scared i guess. yes.
even when it comes to him. he was the one who started this. it will always be like that i guess. with everything. easy life even if that would mean that i'd have to suffer or be neither happy nor unhappy - something inbetween. therefore i can take everything without the feeling of defeat or regret or any feeling at all - for the outside!
just how will it look like inside? i don't know yet. why not? haven't i accumulated enough feelings to experience that? or is my inside somewhat a swollow hole and i'll never feel anything? hey but thats bullshit.
cos i feel. i have emotions. since when? cos it wasn't like that. i was numb for some time. since i woke up.
since he declared me his love. thats right. so i have changed but still...still there's something that doesn't "fit". i don't know yet what it is. just how does this sound what i wrote above? so what?
:p 
