  yesterday was a pretty shit day for me. sch was not dat bad tho'. i felt so proud of myself for passin up all my chem stuff. haha. first time man. u guyx should be proud of me tooo!!
!XD so i went home after sch and my world started crashin down. i was juz happily fillin up my starvin self and surfin arnd the web when i decided to go into friendster and guess wad?!? half my testis were gone and most impt of all, i couldnt find his face in my list of frenz!!! :'( so i supposed he deleted his account frm my list lar...den my appetite was totally lost. ugh. felt like shit.
muz be the continuation of depression frm the nite b4. i swear i was goin crazy man. i took out the piglet frm my bag and juz when i did dat, i started cryin like a retard. geez!! i juz felt super hurt and it felt good after a big cry. well not exactly feel good lar...but felt dat a teeny weeny bit of my pain was released.
sighz. i juz could neva understand why lovin someone is juz so painful. so i said to myself or god or whoeva i was tokin to...dat pls give us a chance to be together again. let us be able to watch a movie on friday and hopefully things will turn out for the betta den. yup. dat's psycho lil' me tokin to ???
*shrugs* so back to reality. my appetite was totally killed. i juz couldnt feel anythin and no one but steph noes best bout my relationship wif him so i decided to call her. she tells me dat her frenster's havin probs too and not to think too much but deep inside i juz knew dat he deleted. so den i juz had to noe the truth despite whether it'll hurt or not so i called him and asked. he said no and i was juz sooo relieved to hear dat.
it was like a layer of fear has been lifted but for all u noe, it mite be a lie so....:( den he was tokin to his frens in the background and he juz sounded so happi...makin all his lame ass jokex and i was damn jealous lor. i think back to those times and this thot keep comin into my mind :"dat could've been me laffin and havin fun wif him!!! " den he said to call him back later cos he's gotta cut his hair. dat jolted another memory within me. i remembered the time i went wif him to cut his hair for the first time:) it was juz so plain simple yet fulfillin. juz felt so sweeet inside:) he came all the way frm pasir ris to marsiling to meet me after sch and we took the mrt to woodlands den a bus to tampines .
haha. had so much fun disturbin him in the bus. sighz. miss those days. i regret so much dat i din start dis blog earlier to record down those beautiful memories but nevertheless, those memories are permanently engraved inside my mind and heart so i'll always bring dem wif me no matter where i go. so he went to get his haircut and i do mean CUT !!
!hahaha...the hairdresser asked him wad kinda hairstyle he wans and he juz say spike and taper so he took out dis electric razor thingy and went ziiiinnngggg and all these hair frm the sides came out. i was dumbstruck and my jaws went all the way to the ground. he'll haf practically no hair left!?! so it din turn out dat bad lar...in fact...it turned out pretty gd indeed:) dat's where his nick sharksfin derived frm. haha. looks yummydelicious :D~ yea.
pretty gd memory wif him ehz?!? *bliss* so den i hung up and toked to steph again for a lil while den she had to go. my parents decided to go get the new fone so i stayed home and stoned. for all who noes me, i need to keep tokin to someone so i wont think too much when im depressed so off i went punchin numbers. my victim: william tan . haha...he's a nice person to tok to lar.
not someone who deliberately makes u laff or tries to cheer u up but u'll feel liter tokin to him in a way. another crapper i guess:p so i started the conversation by tellin him i need someone to scream at and i DID . haha...i screamed into the fone 3 times and den we officially started the conversation. i started complainin to him bout how guyx are juz dickheads and bastards and bla bla bla and dat their motive is to go out there and hurt as mani gurls as they can to satisfy their sadistic desire . haha. it was quite farni.
den he went on bout hearin a shockin poll on the radio in the mornin: 50% of pop. in spore lost virginity b4 16...hmmz...9/10 gers in spore kissed the same sex for fun =s...87% of pop. in spore had experienced sex in public places *ReEoW* haha...things like dat. hmm...not surprisin to hear;p so den we toked and toked until he had to go for dinna and my dinna was bout to start too so i got up frm bed and trudged outta my comfy room. i don even noe why i like to stay in my room so much. it brings back too much memories.
the bed, the toilet, everythin reminds me of him in a way!! man... love sux :( oh oh oh!! !guess wad?!? my mom showed me a pic of my grandpa...haha...cant say how i resemble him in any way and everyone in the family's like awww....doesnt she look juz like him??? haha...random statement. so i finished dinna wif not much interest.
went back to the study room and went online downloadin shit loads of songs. especially ones dat are recorded live from sparks . it was good:) den started chattin to jason and mark lim and mark's a nice fren...tryin to guide me in the rite direction but stubborn me juz wouldnt listen...hehehe. random thot : why does he always end the conversation wif miss u?!? :/ so ended up tokin to jason on the fone till 3.30 . haha.
it was kinda fun. i ended up not havin any guts to call et up for the rest of the nite. i juz cant imagine wad i was gonna say to him. it'll probably be all those unnerving silence. accordin to steph. i always think too much.
wayyyy too much to be healthy and i ended up answerin all my questions...in a negative way...do i?!? hmmz...need other opinions to noe. so i cheer myself up by thinkin bout dat conversation we had after embargo on last last friday. it was the best conversation we had since we broke up:) fills me wif hope. so den i stopped tokin to jason at 3.30 and of course, when u make the decision of tokin to someone till so late, there's gotta be a price to pay=> CANT WAKE UP =.= haha. now im in sch...havin computer lesson so came online to slack arnd abit.
haha. naturally meee :) weekly resolution : i won't call him until the time i'm gonna ask him out for a movie on friday:) sighz...sad sad me:'( 
