  My time in Melaka was very nice actually - The sun did shine and I didn't die from the heat, so.. hurrah! It is a very old city and it was another testament as to how nice Malaysia is, really. We saw St Paul's Castle/church thingy and the portuguese ship that has been converted into some kind of maritime museum. I got pretty tired soon after though and I'd bought some anti-inflammatory cream for Tom's anus.....sorry, sorry... his foot.
That's right - he got it infected during his 20 minutes of jungle trekking in the Cameron Highlands (whereas I remain poison free after trekking for 7 hours - go figure!). So I meandered back to the hostel for a snooze. The evening was an awesome event. We went to a rooftop restaurant called the Bamboo Hut and I'm pleased to say, it was an all-you-can-eat BBQ. Homer Simpson would be proud of my accomplishments that evening. The food was superb and the entertainment was something you could never experience in Britain.
After a while, a Malaysian Billy Ray Cyrus lookalike, burst into song and would have chats with diners inbetween his awesome repertoire of karaoke treats. He sang many classics such as Sweet Caroline, Brown eyed Girl, YMCA, and Copacabana to name a few! When not staring in disbelief, we were singing along with every offkey tune. The funniest parts were when his mobile phone would cause interference with his microphone like when it's too close to a car stereo, and when we put a fake birthday request in for Wesley, the tour leader, who was on her way to catch the last showing at the cinema at the time, so Billy Ray chased her down the stairs, guitar in hand, wishing her birthday wishes and exclaiming "I love you, Wesley" and " I wanna touch you" and many other saucy expletives!
The waiter took a shine to Chris and kept calling him Chris Benoit and as I'm probably the only saddo on the tour that still watches wrestling, I found it hilarious! The barman also did a fire juggling trick to the tune of "Tequila" which was a little less entertaining than Dave's dancing. After the meal, some of us went bowling and I did O.K but got too cocky in the second game and Frank pissed on my chips by turning up the heat in the last few frames while I was pissing about - Hustling swine!
The most improved player award goes to my "Potterge", Chris for his outstanding commitment to get better scores than the girls. That evening I sat and talked to my sister Rach in the garden of the hostel. Everyone else had gone to bed so the wildlife came out to play (rats, geckos, monitor lizards, centipedes and a snake, but that was Dowd's pet). Don't worry Rach, I won't tell mum what you said about the Ping pong trick she can do with footballs! Whoops! The next morning, we said goodbye to Tom as he had to go back to hospital, so he stayed in Melaka. The rest of us arrived in Singapore just after lunch and we are staying in Little India. The hostel is OK and I'll probably stay until I leave for Bali, but there are many indian men hanging around in towels which is a little weird.
The urban myth is that Singapore is very expensive but that is very wrong - if you go for luxurys and certain items, it's about the same price as back in Britain. Booze is expensive, but food (which is all I'm interested in) is very cheap. The people that started this rumour are either tight-asses, drunkards or from Cambodia. We all went to Boat Quay for dinner last night and it was great - I finished everyone's meals again and I may pay the price by having to pay for 2 seats on the plane when I fly to Bali because of my humungous ass. We went to Raffles Hotel for a Singapore Sling which apparently is a must. I didn't have one though because a drink that costs 8 quid is never a must unless it lasts for the whole night (Hmmmm....one singapore sling or 5 bottles of Frosty Jacks cider?). On the way back from Raffles, we walked past the inverted bungee jump, I made friends with a wee frog by the river, and we watched a man dance with his shadow for over an hour while we drank G&T's - Strange!
This morning, some of the tour group left for pastures new. I woke up late though so I'm sorry if I missed you. Iona and Jo - I'm glad you got to see "The Egg" eventually - not quite a "party-boy" but it passes the time. And Chris - I'll always remember you walking like a spastic. Cheers for the laughs you fruitcake. I wish you all the best of luck in the world - you'll bloody need it! 
