  i keep getting a message on my msn from the 'big boner' asking me if i would like a bigger dick. all day long its been a pop up ad on my msn. and when i asked mayank if he got the message, he said no. its highly irritating. i cant seem to get it to stop. so anyways (it just popped up again), i was watching 'the real beckhams'. it was a really bad production. posh still looked like a lizard. david looked like he couldnt care less abt anyone or anything. (it was obvious that the whole video thing was posh's idea, cos it centered around her and david was hardly in it, and when he was in it , he had this pained expression on his face).
posh on the other hand seemed to be revelling in the attention. on top of that, she was talkin abt how she considers herself a real challenge to david career wise. i was like, gimme a break, the woman's singing career aint all that great, she has no real talent. she obviously was a snob and thought too highly of herself (i cant believe these very same accusations were hurled at me). so anyways, watching the beckhams convinced me that david has indeed had those affairs cos the marriage appeared to me to be empty and cold (im sure they aired it for the opposite effect).
so that is my take on 'the real beckhams'. i spoke to that friend from carleton again today. i told her if she really hated carleton so much, she could ask for a transfer. then she told me that no, she didnt hate carleton, she loved the place..that she couldnt sleep for other reasons. i felt a small stab of pain and misery at the 'love the place' bit...i loved the place too..it took my coming back to spore to realize how much i loved the place. im trying to act like everything is ok, and im happy and i have moved on. but seriously, i fucked things up for myself by returning. working for rahmann isnt the ideal situation to be in. im very depressed. i wish i had just stuck it out there and survived it somehow.
coming back here was a bad mistake. a really bad mistake. i could have been much happier. arrgh..i dont want to think this way. i want to just be fine and stable and happy. so much for losing weight, every goddam monday i decide that i have to lose weight. my diet got thrown clear through the window with my eating kentucky chicken on one night and pizza the next night.. and i have the second appointment with the slimming sanctuary place on tuesday...and i have been truthful in recording down my pratas, fried mee goreng and other delights.
the nutritionist will not be too happy with me. im beginning to hate mondays more and more. what i hate most is waking up every morning. i just feel so tired and out of it. and the miserable bus and MRT i have to take to work. god, its a real drag with public transport. i wish to god i had a car or was driven to work every morning. i know i sound completely spoiled right now. but yeah, one thing i hate most is the travelling to work bit. misery at its peak. this monday onwards: i have to lose my 5 kilos. i need to wake up earlier every morning and do something good like exercising. i need to be more responsible with my health. i need to be more focused at work. i need to be happy. 
