  It's been a pretty crappy day. nbsp;  My van broke down and needed a new starter. nbsp; nbsp;  Then Mike was in a car accident that pretty much totaled our convertible ( yes,  he's okay) nbsp;
 Like I said,  it's been a pretty crappy day.  But I heard something on the radio ( NPR)  this morning,  something that is making me appreciate today.
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 The piece was entitled urlLink Remembering Lt.  Brian Smith ( click on that link and you can listen to it)
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 After 9- 11,  a&
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30 year old lawyer from Austin,  Texas joined the military,  leaving his lucrative career and wife behind.
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 He was killed last week.
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 He was checking the tracks on his tank when he lifted his arm and&
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a sniper shot him in the one spot that the bullet proof vest didn't protect him -
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under his arm.
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 As his father said,  " He had everything to lose.
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 And it seems,  he lost it all.  Like a toned down Pat Tillman,  Brian Smith truly put his patriotism on his chest.
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 He walked his talk.
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 He carried the torch.
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 He sacrificed.
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 It amazes me how many in my generation are unwilling to do anything more than flap their gums.
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 They've got opinions,  but aren't even motivated enough to vote.
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 It seems Brian Smith was different.
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 Although,  I never even knew he walked the earth until he no longer did,  my heart seems a little empty with the knowledge of his passing.
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 I will&
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think of&
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him over the years.
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 I won't forget him.
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 He left his mark.  As a mother,  my heart just breaks.
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 I cannot imagine the heartache his mother must be feeling.
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 Just trying to brings a lump to my throat so big I cannot swallow it down.
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 I read this quote from his dad on a message board.
 "
We were lucky enough to love him for 30 years,  and I lived long enough to see the man he grew up to become,
 William Smith said.
 "
I'm glad I did .  now I have the rest of my life to miss him.  I'm&
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the wife&
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of a&
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soldier.
nbsp; nbsp;
The thought of my husband going off to war terrifies me.
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 It is something that we,  military wives,  must&
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visualize,  plan for,  and cope with.
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 We've done the funeral plans and insurance papers.
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 All the what ifs have been&
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covered,  especially given these turbulent times.
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 It knots my insides,  but it's part of the job description.
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 The prospect of doing this with my son,  however,  grips me&
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deeply from within,  making my head spin so fast I can hear insanity rattling around.
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 Last week,  my brother Darrell left for Iraq.
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 His mother,  my stepmother,  told me that planning his funeral was " just unnatural.
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 A mother shouldn't have&
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to&
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sit down with her son and plan his funeral.
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 Even the planning must be heart wrenching,  something from which,  even when he comes back to us safe and sound,  she will never fully recover.
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 Such is it to be a mother.
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 Strong,  but so very,  very fragile.  As I type this,  I have my sleeping son in my arms.
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 He is safe and sound and just a wee little baby.
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 Yet all too soon he will be a man,  with wild ideas of his own.
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 Too soon he will leave the safety of my nest to venture forth in the big bad world to be big and bad himself.
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 So today,  I will cherish him.
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 No matter how crappy the day,  I will cherish him.  And for you,
 Lt.
 Brian Smith,  I will wave my flag,  vote my conscience,  and put Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce all over my dinner.
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 Rest in peace.
