  What went wrong!? This day started out so great. I hadn’t eaten in 15 hours, but then I bought a banana and a bun. I ate the banana but only the half bun. 9 hours later I’m eating dinner with my parents. For some reason I couldn’t help myself.
I ate two tacos. They didn’t have so many calories, but still. The only bright side about it is that my parents no longer suspect me for starving myself (I’ll just exercise it away) Later on the evening I tried to purge/puke/throw up call it what ever you want. I couldn’t do it but I was so close. I was desperate to get the tacos out of my system, so I found a pro-ana site on the web and read a few tips about how to throw up.
I want to be able to do it so badly. Until I learn I have to keep starving myself, and in order to prevent myself from binging, I have made a scrap book with pictures of myself and skinny models. That way I can compare with them and lose the urge to binge. I call the scrap book “thinspiration”.
I’ll write a lot of tips on how to keep the lust and hunger away. I hope it works! I’ve never looked better than now. My skin is clean and my make-up is perfect. But I still think I’m ugly… I don’t have any self esteem. I’m still fat and I’m still depressed. What’s wrong?! Why am I not happy? I just wanna die! – I think about it more and more often. The only thing that keeps my occupied enough till it passes is my new obsession with food… I’m even starting to dream about it, and imagine how my farewell notes and funeral is gonna be. I know that I’m gonna need help soon, but I can’t get it… My parents won’t let me get it, and I don’t wanna tell them if I’m not gonna get anything out of it. Another day alone in my room can be fatal I don’t want you to worry about me, what ever is gonna happen it will be in my own free will, and I’ll be happy 
