  Okay, good advice so far, but I'm still lost. Everyday something happens that veers me towards a different decision. I sent Craig a nice love letter package today, so suddenly I don't miss him as much, or really it just feels easier to deal with for now. I was also told by a second person today that I should go into public relations, which would involve taking a one year programme here in Montreal. But, I also had another bad interview today, which involved the potential boss totally putting me on the spot by turning off the music and saying, "okay, start speaking in French. " Argh, you asshole!
So of course I ummmmed and awwwed like a fucking retard. Then he said, "Um, thanks. We'll call you. " FUCK!!!! No you won't. I know that I could learn French if I really tried, and I know that I'm having trouble allowing myself to settle in here, and I'm not looking hard enough for a job.
I think that, like a lot of people, I'm TERRIFIED of doing something with my life. I'm so afraid of taking that step into adulthood, the world of responsibilities and (fairly) clean living. Sometimes I feel like going back to the comfort zone of Halifax is a total cop out, other times I feel like it would be the best for me because it's definite and solid and I could definitely get something done there. Toronto, I must say, really isn't too much of an option. I know that I would only be following someone there, and as much as I love him I know that I would instantly resent him and blame any unhappiness on him wanting to actually live in Toronto. I know why he wants to go there, he feels that it would be the best thing for his career.
I would never consider moving to that city other than to follow my boy around like a lovesick idiot. So, really, Toronto is off the table. As much as I love him, I know that I have to do things for myself first. FUCK, my head is in the blender. Speaking of blenders, my grade 7 guidance counselor told me that Autistic people see the world "like when you turn the blender on and the TV goes all fuzzy. " What a fucking idiot, but anyways.
This is a lead into the next topic, which is: Fucked up people. Weirdos. Crazies. ( Some may have a problem with me saying that Autism = crazy, but fuck you, it's just a tie in. ) So in the Mirror's Best of Montreal they have the top 10 'weirdos' listed. No surprises seeing "the black guy who sticks people up with a banana" at the top of the list.
He's awesome. You should give him all of your money. A true disappointment was seeing "the guy who screams at people in front of LaSalle" only at number 5. He in fact stands directly in front of the cafe I work at, and it is a fucking riot watching him in action. He totally deserved at least a bronze in this category. Tonight I sat down for a smoke with one of the regulars and we just laughed our asses off at the poor people walking by.
We noticed that he ALWAYS yells at girls, rarely at guys, and always at Chinese people. This has inspired me to write my own top 10, but c'mon, just say it like it is, Top 10 Crazy people. Just so you know, the top 5 all hail from Liverpool. In case you need to be schooled in Liverpudlian lore, check out brian the ling's link, and definitely try to find the Liverpool Encyclopedia link. I can't think of the domain right now but I'll find it. A quick google search will probably send you on your way.
1. Alan Frasier . Anyone who has lived in Liverpool or knows someone from Liverpool knows who this guy is. Apparently he's a genius, but did too much acid, got into a bad car accident and now thinks that he is the giver of 'pink iron'. He has had battles with Satan, has slept with the woman who invented sinks (? ), and knows personally the person who invented a time travel machine out of water.
Yes, this person used the time machine to travel back to a Led Zeppelin concert, then got up on stage and played one of their songs before they had even written it . whoa. He actually told me that story, and many others, while I was on acid one night. That explains a lot right there. He also made an appearance at one of our high school parties, where he threw up in his hands, ate it, then took off his pants and walked around in his saggy 2 month old briefs. Ah, Alan Frasier.
2. Hacksaw. My former nemesis. Tall, skinny, hands blackened from smoking 10 billion rollies a day. He would hang out at the KFC with his best friend, Charlie (don't worry, he's coming up), where they'd hang out together talking jibberish and hiding shovels on eachother (?). One night I was walking home, in a really bad mood, and Hacksaw was standing in front of KFC, staring at me.
Me: "What the fuck are you staring at? " Hacksaw: "Nothin' much, darlin. Nothin' much. " What a burn. Beth's mom claims that his name derives from his many nights spent in jail, where he'd always demand a hacksaw in a pie in order to cut himself outta there. He died a few years ago, apparently on the toilet.
Isn't that how the best of them go? 3. Vanilla Kid . The raunchiest little firecracker to stroll Main St. She was the chick that hooked up with all of the Liverpool crazies, including Hacksaw, Charlie, and the Child Molester (he's coming up, too). She was always in a rush to get somewhere, one arm swinging to and fro at her side. Don't get in her way!
One night Hayes egged her on a little too much, and the next thing you knew she was trying to get a little group action going on with some of my friends...but first she had to pee...piss ran down the sidewalk as about 10 teenagers ran for their lives. 4. Charlie . "Hi. Hi. Go home.
Go home. Naw. " That about sums up his vocabulary. He was great at making hand gestures, though, which usually involved a finger going through a joined thumb and pointer. 5. The Child Molester .
He's deaf and dumb, but no one ever wanted to believe that. I was witness to the court case where he got off on molesting 2 pre-teen girls because he couldn't understand the charges. Waving your hands on top of your head=Moosehead, please. 6. Jennifer . Oh what a sorry, sorry sight.
Anorexic, totally fucking nuts, cross-eyed Jennifer. She would come into the Second Cup every day when I worked there and just go on and on, with her tales of near drownings in the tub and 'strange poos'. My co-workers and I would take turns standing in front of her while she talked, although she never noticed the changing of the guard. 7. Dancin' Mike . Fuck, he should be higher up on the list.
Oh well. I made the mistake of dancing with him at the Marquee one Retro Night, I didn't even think that he had noticed me he was so into his routine. But, he noticed, and I became his dancing queen. Once he tried to appologize to me for some gross gesture or another, and the friends that I was with pushed for me to let him hug me. Next thing you know he's suctioned to my neck and, goddamit, I felt his lips there for days afterwards. 8.
Deaf note passer guy . I can't remember his name right now, used to know it. He would galavant down Barrington or Spring Garden, waving notes in people's faces that asked for money. With his money he would come to the Khyber and get shit faced, letting out a throaty "Whoooo. Huuuuuhhh" every 2 minutes. I was eventually assigned the unfortunate duty of writing him the "you're barred" note.
9. Gordie Roach . He deserves a higher ranking on the list too, but he's more of a living legend than a crazy anyhow. He lived at the Khyber, demanded free coffee, and would have animated conversations with Dwight Yokam and Hank Williams while pacing back and forth in front of the bar. It took me a long time to warm up to the bastard, but how could you not love him after watching him spend 5 hours on a gig poster, complete with rope style lettering and lassoos? 10.
PJ . Remember the El Strato on Gottingen? It burned down a few years ago, which is a fucking shame because it was a truly beautiful dive. Anyways, PJ hung out there a lot. He was always willing to heal you with a scalp massage, although he spent most of his time standing in front of the 'cowboys killing the indians' mural, shaking his head in dismay. Whoo, that's enough writing for me tonight.
Please write out your own 'favourite crazies' list and post them on your blog. They're deserving of your time. 
