  This has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world. I don't even know what it is. It's a little fear, a little anxiety, a little something I can't put a finger on. I'm not even sure why I feel this way. Maybe it's that I've been going through so much change and I know that there is still more to come. I do know that I am more than a little afraid of re-entering the workforce. I'm a little sad that my son will eventually be spending more time at a preschool than with me.
I'm terrified that I will easily slip back into the old patterns and habits I once enjoyed. What if I can't prioritize my life correctly? I know what they should be, but what if that person I used to be is stronger than the person I have become. I don't want to be a workaholic. I want to be a mom. I want to be a friend. I want to be the person I am. But sometimes, I want a little of that person I was to be part of who I am. The things I miss about my life aren't any surprise. I miss all the interaction with adults. I miss having things to talk about that aren't my son or the kids I work with at church. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and I LOVE my son but sometimes I just want more. I know I have to move forward but at the same time, I'm more than a little frightened that I'll lose bits of the things I cherish so much.
It's hard to keep friendships alive when certain aspects change. I don't want to lose touch with the people I'm close to but I know that I won't have as much time and attention to offer them. I know that my son will be my priority but what happens if him being my priority turns into me having to make money so that I can care for him. Will he even remember that I was able to spend so much time with him these past two years? I certainly hope so... 
