  7:26 a.m. Tuesday, Day 113. Peoples, I MUST get my shit together. I don’t want to flagellate myself (ooh! ) but I do need to be a little stern. I am eating too much and not exercising enough, and I need to quit it and get back “on program.” Enough’s enough. The annoying thing is, I haven't exactly gone OFF program, I’m just not hitting it quite hard enough. I’m not having eating binges, I haven’t quit exercising, I still THINK I’m on a program, but I’ve become too lax, and I’m not losing weight anymore. I’m just not doing quite enough: like, I’m fifteen minutes short of exercising enough, or eating just 120 calories too many.
Which also makes me feel like a big dumb-ass, to go through 95% of the effort, and not be able to focus enough to come up with the other measly 5% needed. Today I’m going to read the beginning of my journal, and try to recapture whatever emotions or thoughts that enabled me to start this program. All of a sudden those 12-Step programs are making sense to me, I finally understand that one-day-a-time philosophy.
Not only that you have to deal with your life in manageable, bite-sized chunks, but that each day requires its own commitment, its own re-evaluation and re-dedication to your cause. You can’t bank those for tomorrow. You can’t coast along on your previous commitment and success, which is what I have been doing. I have never been successful at losing weight before this, so I must have thought that I had broken through some sort of tangible metabolic barrier in the past few months, that once I had started the process, it would continue on its own momentum.
Dammit, I hate it when I’m wrong. So, I will try to re-focus on this. But I will also give myself props for continuing to improve my health by daily exercise and a nutritious diet, whether or not it has caused me to lose weight. I know that sounds very Stuart Smalley, but I’m willing to take what inspiration I can, wherever I find it. 
