  6:16 a.m. Monday, first day of Week Nine, of Month Three. Hard to believe. I’m hoping to recommit myself to this plan, and recapture some enthusiasm for it. Although my numbers haven’t been terrible, I realize I’ve slacked off quite a bit, in my attitude if not my actual eating. I figure a prolonged binge won’t be far behind. No, let me rephrase that, not a “binge” but rather several days or even weeks of eating normally.
It might be a good idea to deliberately include a break from the diet, but I don’t want it to happen accidentally — I’m already planning that break for our vacation in Tahiti. So I need to get through a couple more weeks on track. Snacking has crept up on me the past couple weeks. When I started this, I was very rigid about how much I ate, and I drank a lot of water to push away hunger and bored-stomach. Then I added a little more food, because I didn’t want to starve myself and slow down my metabolism, so I started having an apple in the morning, and a little something in the afternoon. And that’s okay as far as it goes, but I think it opened the doors for mindless snacking to occur.
There’s been too many times lately when I just want to sit around and eat. And eat. And eat. So far I’ve handled it pretty well by eating things like celery, pickles, lettuce, but not always. A few times cheese has snuck in there, Ritz crackers, etc. I’m not going to beat myself up for it, but I want to stop the slippage from going any further.
I’m planning on grocery shopping today, and will probably allow myself a small amount of chocolate. Maybe not the almonds, because they’re so high in calories, but a little handful of something. I’ll get lots more fruit and vegetables, hopefully some shrimp, and be back on track. I’m really happy about how much weight I’ve lost. Just the fact that I’ve lost ANY at all is miraculous to me, but at the same time I’m a bit depressed about how long it’s taking. I don’t think I can, or want to, eat significantly less than I’m doing now.
However, I might be able to trim a little bit and also increase my exercise. I guess I should start setting fitness goals for myself, as well as weight-loss goals. Just read that on the Skinny Daily Post (hereafter referred to as SDP). Anyway, that’s the key to the metabolism thing, and the key to the maintenance part of the diet — the “after” part. Because I don’t want to be dieting the rest of my life. Doing a little formatting of my [offline] journal today.
Putting my week’s wrap-up in a box, and bolding progress text. Whenever I see something that says “I could button the Measurement Pants today,” I’m highlighting it so I can see that progress DID occur. I’m going to try really hard to take my “before” picture today. Sigh. I just hate to do it, I’m so horrified by how I look, I don’t want an explicit visual record of it. Without sucking my stomach in.
Without hiding behind something in the foreground. Gah. 9:53 a.m. I took the Before photos. Damn. It’s pretty scary.
The thing I can’t get over is how big my stomach is. It’s ENORMOUS. Gaahh. The other thing that bothers me is my face. I have no chin or jaw or neck anymore. This is so hard, because I don’t want to hate my body, but when I see how I look I just feel sick.
I need to stop thinking about this. I need to remember that the point of the Before photos is that I have already lost a lot of weight. I want to be able to record my progress. In a couple months I will take photos again, and be happy with how different they are from today’s photos. And I will realize that in all my photos, fat or slim, I look exactly like what I am: a good, kind, smart, talented, beautiful, happy person. 11:58 a.m. Had the chocolate, and it wasn’t very good.
Without the delicious texture of the almonds, cheap chocolate tastes pretty crappy. Not that it stopped me from eating it. But next time, whenever next time is, I’d be better off to buy a good quality Lindt or Tobler or something, and have Bucko bring me back 2 ounces a week. In other exciting news, my low rider jeans almost fell down at the store. I can’t wear them anymore. Hee.
My plan is to go to Wal-mart (maybe tomorrow) and try on a 24 and a 22. I suspect the 24 will be about right, but I will also buy the 22 for a new goal pant. I bought a Cooking Light magazine at the store, and am going to read it while I have my delicious lunch of grilled salmon salad. 1:26 p.m. Just did 32 minutes of the belly dance tape. Which is only halfway through, but that’s about what I could handle. Not just because it’s hard, also it’s complicated — the steps become difficult at that point.
Anyway, got a hell of a workout. My stomach is killing me! I’m not sure how to estimate the calories burned. I’m going to say 200 for a half hour until I come up with better numbers. I like this. I’m trying to make a giant change in my brain, where I look for opportunities to exercise, instead of avoiding them.
That would be an even greater change than the way I eat. Hard to imagine. I’m thinking of getting a pedometer (? ) — the thing that measures how many steps you take, or how far you walk. Since I currently walk about a 100 feet a day, I’m not sure what that would do for me. But I’m hoping to start walking in the evening with Bucko.
It’s a good temperature for it, and it will get us conditioned for vacation a little. Should have started a month ago! But, better than nothing. I know I should start walking up the stairs. It kills me to walk up once, I’m not sure how many times I could do it. I suppose I have to start somewhere.
So far I like the Cooking Light mag. They apparently revamped the magazine this issue to include more entire-lifestyle stuff in addition to recipes. It’s a typical magazine; lots of two-paragraph columns, but that’s what I want in a magazine. I read so many books as it is, it won’t hurt to do some lighter reading. And that reminds me that I want to make it out to the used book store this week and find some books for vacation. In particular some more John D. MacDonald.
I can get them on Amazon for $7, but I’d rather buy a used one for $3 and no shipping. Although - Lucy’s is pretty much all romances these days, which is why I started shopping at Amazon in the first place. I got tired of waiting and hoping for something good to come in. So we’ll see. 2:41 p.m. Cleaned the garage a little more. It’s not heavy exercise, but it’s more movement than sitting around watching TV.
I remember once, a year or so ago, I suddenly got a burst of energy for a couple weeks in a row. I have NO idea what caused it, but I ran around doing stuff all day. Cleaning, painting, building, driving, everything. I couldn’t believe it. It seemed like “Aha, this is what other people feel like!” I wish I knew what caused it. There wasn’t any change in my life or lifestyle that I could attribute it to, I supposed it was just some sort of random hormonal fluctuation.
I wish I could have that again. 6:30 p.m. Got in another few minutes gliding with the Bucko. Now I’m starving. I bought chicken wings, which I hope will satisfy my desire for succulent greasy food. I think so. 
