  7:13 a.m. Tuesday. Feeling pretty good today. I woke up a little early (5:30) but went back to sleep for an hour, so I’m doing okay. This morning I’m putting Benefiber in my coffee. For 20 calories I get 3 grams of fiber, so that’s a pretty good deal. I’m not having problems with my bowel movements, it’s just that I don’t think I’m eating nearly enough fiber.
And I just wanted to write about bowel movements. Anyway, it doesn’t seem to have affected the flavor of the coffee. Good numbers yesterday, almost in the ttpw range. Here’s an exercise from the SDP that I’m going to do, only rephrase it in the positive: she says to list all the things you can’t/won’t do because of your weight. As a motivator to stay on plan. Only I’m going to list the things I’ll be able to do when I lose weight.
Which might also inspire me to do some of them now. Here’s my plan for today: going to digest until about 8:30. Then, will try for an hour of gliding, and watch that Rowan Atkinson movie. Then, off to Wal-Mart for 22 and 24 jeans, a makeup bag, a small carry-on, a broom, and some spring clothes if they have them, for the vacation. Or maybe some fabric to sew some wrap-around skirts. Depending on my results there, I might go to DressBarn. Then lunch. After, I may try to come up with an idea for the inside doors of the small armoire.
Or if I have fabric, I might sew. I am going to try really hard to NOT drink until at least 5:00. Since it’s officially drinking day. 9:23 a.m. All I could handle was 45 minutes. Mostly because of nothing on TV. Johnny English was absolutely unwatchable, Dr. Phil had his most recent Fucked Up Family, and Carol Duvall is not good exercise material. Maybe I will be able to do a few minutes in the afternoon. I’ve done that a couple times, and I think it’s not a bad idea, so long as it really happens: do the most of the gliding in the morning, but get in another 10 or 15 minutes in the afternoon to re-boost my metabolism. Been thinking about clothes, because of buying stuff for this trip. I have never ever been into clothes. Because I’ve always been fat. When I was younger and just slightly pudgy, I suppose I had some interest in the subject, but relatively little compared to other teenage girls. And recently clothes are just measurement devices to me. Sometimes I have idly fantasized about being able to buy normal clothes, pretty clothes, and look good in them, but I’ve never considered that it would really happen.
Because I think, even when I was 15 and weighed 135 pounds, I couldn’t find clothes that fit and I looked terrible. So there’s no way at 42 years old and my goal of 150, that I’m going to like clothes. But you know, I’m not sure that’s true. Because I won’t be buying clothes in the Junior department of Fashion Bar, and because these days you can get fun stuff in women’s sizes, and also because even if I never weigh that little again, I will be in better shape physically.
I’ll have more muscle. Lower body fat. And WAY more confidence. So I’m going to allow myself to look forward to clothes. 12:49 p.m. Just back from shopping, and here are the results: I am a size 22, in everything except those jeans, where I am still a 24. Everything else I bought is a 22, in Wal-Mart and Dress Barn. My other observations are that Wal-Mart does not have enough plus size clothing, and that what they do have is ugly.
Dress Barn has more, but it’s still ugly. Why are the colors different than the regular size clothes? Funk dat. Anyway, I was thrilled to see that I fit into all 22s, and they were slightly large. Not large enough to go down to a 20, but still. Man, I can’t wait until I get to 18. That will be a major milestone, to be in the teens. Also, isn't DRESS BARN a bad name for a clothing store? BARN?? Not flattering. 6:15 p.m. I’ve put in another 15 minutes on the glider! 
