  First off, thank you Tamika and April for the comments. Secondly, I'm going crazy. I am crazy. So here we go... If not on the Honor Roll, I'm fucked this summer. Royally. No car. No late curfew. No raise. I'll be fucked. They've taken my entire life and put it to the fate of a piece of paper that will come in about a week or so. I'm not anticipating it's arrival, but I am anticipating it's interception. I will be the first to see those letters, the little formations on the sheet that will determine my life for the next 2 1/2 months.
I hope it goes well. And if that's not enough to be crazy about. I don't think anyone has died of confusion before, but there's a first for everything. Right? My heart says one thing, my head says another; and if two voices aren't enough, he says yet another thing. Every time I see him I feel like someone's throwing rocks at this glass house I've built, camouflaging it to appear as brick. I build my walls so high, but it's so easy to make them crumble. Too easy. So when he's away I feel empty. I know I probably shouldn't see him anymore, but these feelings lift me to my feet, walk me down the stairs, place me in my car, put the key into the ignition, and drive me to him.
And this unwelcome visitor, this guilt and unhappiness, pain and hopelessness, it's all overwhelming. I begin to just sit alone and think and I'm disgusted with myself, but it also seems so right. It seems like there is/was something... or should have been. So many unanswered questions... and it's only Tuesday... well, now it's Wednesday, but you get my point. "You shouldn't think what you're feeling. " 
