  Today I went to the cinema to see Spiderman 2 with Louise, Lauren, Rachel, Alison and Chris. It was nice that we could all go together. Unfortunately Louise and Alison got all upset... Anyway, the film was quite good. I sat by Chris and he held my hand through the WHOLE film. My hand felt sorta numb by the end though because of this... I hadn't wanted to let go as he doesn't often hold my hand, so it was nice. After this Rachel went home and the rest of us went to McDonalds, where we could see Alison and Louise were still sad... we decided to all come back to my house. On the bus Chris told me he wouldn't come to the cinema with us again becuase people were just being sad (Louise and Alison)... which I was dissapointed about.
I like going to the cinema with him... At my house Louise and Alison were still sad. Chris kept trying to get Laura to come over, and Lauren spent a lot of time with us. Louise and Alison sat in my room on their own crying together... then the rest of us went upstairs, too. Chris kept messing with my webcam...(which reminds me, I need to delete lots of bad pics of me).
I kept trying to get Chris to hug me... but I got the impression he didn't really want to. Louise felt miserable... she felt like Chris was stealing her friends away. I feel that there wasn't anything wrong with me spending time with him as I spend way more time with her and I'm his girlfriend. Lauren, however, doesn't have an excuse. I think Louise and Lauren should talk about this... Actually that's a good point. Why is Lauren spending so much time with me and Chris? I guess nobody could really tell that I actually wanted to be alone with him, to see if he was more likely to do stuff this way.... But again, she's supposed to spend more time with her friend than her friend's brother! I realise people could say the same to me, but I still have a perfectly good reason to be spending time with him, and it's unfair for people to get upset because of it.
So how do I feel right now? I would've expected me to be happy... but by now I feel sortof down. Perhaps it's because everyone was embarassing me about my unnderwear that was all over my bedroom floor, or perhaps it was the insulting picture Chris drew of me (which he hadn't actually intended to be insulting....). On the one hand it does seem like Chris was being nice and was making the effort I wanted to treat me nicer than everyone else, but at the same time I do feel sad.
I think it might be because I was hoping for more intimacy... but I spose what can I expect from a 14 yr old? Also when I'm in this sort of mood I don't think there's any pleasing me. I think I'm sorta bummed he didn't kiss me when he had the opportunity... I mean we had moments when we were alone and I was wishing he would take advantage, but he never does. Actually at one point when we were in front of the computer in my room he seemed to be motioning that he wanted a kiss... which I just didn't want to give.
It seemed unfair because Louise was right there in the room... but I wonder if it would have changed things if I had gone for it? Either way he has plenty of way better moments to ask, so that makes him just silly. I just hope he doesn't get the wrong impression and think I'm becoming uninterested in kissing... I wish Louise didn't get so upset... if she feels as though she's losing us why doesn't she talk to us more and steal us back? Or maybe she should convince Lauren to stay with her as Lauren has no reason to spend time with MY boyfriend. (Heh, I guess the amount of time Lauren and Chris are together annoys me...) Oh yeah, today I got told I smell. Apparently it's just a Hannah smell,&nbsp;and not a bad smell.... but I think everyone was just being too kind to say that I stink. Apparently sometimes after I leave Louise's house Chris can still smell me. Wow. I must reek. Actually thinking about it this way it's no wonder I never get the attention from him that I want, as he would probably rather avoid the smell. I guess this is yet another thing making me sad. &nbsp; Well I'm getting repetitive as usual so I'm gonna stop typing and hope Louise doesn't get too upset whe she reads this.
As usual this&nbsp;blog is not intended to be nice about other peoples feelings, it is intended for me to be honest and frank about mine. This is a blog for me, not for my friends. If they read it and get upset, it's their own fault and they should learn that maybe reading this blog isn't the best idea. I guess I did sorta want it to be personal anyway as I knew all along I would say things that people wouldn't want to hear... &nbsp; Bye for now! ~Hannie xxx 
