  A Monologue By Colleen Clabaugh "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the ..." I've wanted to ask those questions all of my life, but I cannot; I fear to. I hate them - mirrors that is - I hate them and I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of what I see, and what I don't. I would rather throw a hurried glance it's way than to take a long, deep look at what it holds. I thought that mirrors were supposed to be for me to look inside, but instead, I find it looking inside of me, and what it shows me is frightening. No, I'm not some sort of horrible person who society should detest.
I'm not a convicted murderer, convict, abuser or addict. I'm not the most beautiful and I'm not the most wretched. I'm just me...all the MEs' in fact. I am who you want me to be when you are around. I am who she wants me to be at church, and I am who he wants me to be at home. When Sis.
Sally comes around I am the perfect Sunday school teacher who is always prepared with her lesson and crafts. When Bro. Michaels comes around I am the hard working secretary who had the reports done before he asked. When Sis. Jane needed the sanctuary cleaned I was there. When Sis.
Parish needed help with the baby showers I stayed until midnight decorating. When Bro. Samuel couldn't get his computer to work right, I jumped right in. When Sis. Smithers needed encouragment I picked up the telephone. When the Flowers family needed a miracle I fell to my knees.
I have become a professional at changing who I am. I can turn from saint to technician to teacher to hostess all in the same hour. And what else can I do... I am expected to. I don't mind, but sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I'm not sure who it is I am looking at anymore. I see the eyes of a worker, the mouth of a teacher, the hair of a mother and the mind of them all.
But who am I really? If I were not able to perform any of those services, who would I be. Would anybody even be interested in me anymore? If I had no talents at all would anyone even notice me? I am afraid of the answer, so I never ask the mirror - I just ignore it. I only look long enough to switch my character for the next audience and then I go about my way, never looking long enough to see beyond my own image.
One would think that a life like this would drive a person insane, and I agree. But there are two mirrors in my life that I own - one that I fear, and one that I love. The other mirror captivates me, and each time I look into it I am fixated on what I see. I see beauty and wonder that I never thought was possible. I see smiles where I used to see tears. I see color instead of black, white and every shade of gray.
I see hope where I used to only see failure. In my hands are two mirrors - your word, and God's word. In one I see who I am through your eyes and who the world expects me to be. In the other, I see who God sees...and who He knows I can be. It is easy to get lost in the one, trying to find myself midst the personas I've grown to service you with. It's easy to be afraid.
It's easy to look away. But in the other, I never have to fear, because He doesn't ask me to be anything except who I am... His child. And I can ask any question I want, and He'll show me. "Mirror, mirror in my hand, who's the one you love so grand? " He always responds with, "You. " And I never have to search around to see who He was talking about. 
