  ....... my heart dropped. out of my chest. i wish i would just fucking die. no wonder i can't sleep. this woman, this person who i would never hurt if she wasn't connected to him. she hates me and she thinks i'm a homewrecker and that i'm instrumental in destroying her life.
am i full of shit? talking about this like there isn't another person on the line? her voice.her voice literally ripped a hole in me. being hated makes me want to die. i shouldn't care. and yet i do.
empathy eats me completely. i have no defense against her.i have nothing. all i have is this tremendous pain, all i have is the overwhelming fear. is she right? how can i tell her i love her husband and that he loves me? that it's ALWAYS been this way?
how can i tell her? i can't fight her. it's not in me.i have no strength, not right now. i can't pull some attitude with her, have some ghetto style black girl fight. in all honesty, hurting this woman makes me want to die, because i know she is a quality person if he has loved her. i know she never deserved to deal with this.
god. im sorry. im so sorry, so fucking sorry. i feel like i am going to go out of my mind. 
