  New Years and shit.... Yeah ... its almost New Years. I usually don't care about it very much, but this is the year I am ready to put behind me! YAY ... GOOD RIDDENS 2003!! Go away!!! Go FUCK YOURSELF, YEAR! Growing pains suck. I have felt SOO damn awkward all year ... I felt like that boy in sixth grade that got the first growth spurt, (out of the entire class), and my feet were too big and I was tall and all the other children made fun of my pants for being floods ... but wait, I was five inches shorter just a day ago?
I haven't had time to get that new wardrobe. I don't even know what wardrobe is! I can't seem to fit into my skin anymore. My whole exhistance was retarded this year. The universe had me under it's scrutiny and man, I'm tired. I have to say that I did have a great summer surfing and playing outside. I did a lot of things that I loved, like posing for photos, that I probobly wouldn't have done if my 2003 wasn't so fucked! (Yeah, I needed cash to get tires for my truck, dammit!). Oh, and that trip to the Portland was priceless; river trash party and many amazing skateparks filled with cult-like figures rippin' up the tranny.
Damn. Were these neato events supposed to help me "find myself"? Mid-30's crisis??? I'm still not sure who I am; besides a very, very stubborn girl that would rather be miserable then sell out to whatever society wants to dish my way. I know that I'm not the only one who has had a tough year. There are tons of people that are worse off then me and I try to keep that in mind as I have panic attacks, freak outs, mood swings and pill benders.
We are all growing, or at least trying to. Oh the process is killing me. Can't it be instant??? DAMN THE ALMIGHTY FOUNDATION! Next; make some goals? Surf more next summer? Get more out of life? I think that I want to get the STANDARD issue out of life next year. There will be no rest, but perhaps things will be a little easier emotionally.
My friends really helped me ... I love my friends. And my old man ... he has put up with a lot of my psychosis in the 2003. What a champ! I love him the mostest. Maybe this next year I won't take as many pills, drink as much wine, eat as much food and grass ... t-yeah, because I DO NOT PLAN on having much time on my hands! That's about the only goal. No more freetime for crazy think. GOODBYE 2003. 
