  i never knew being free could hurt so much. free from the restrictions that once held me. today i had my soccer match against massey high.
we played really well in the first 15 minutes. i played above average after getting nailed right in the nuts. it was quite funny, cause TG came running to me as i rolled on the ground and said "bandaid? ...there's not much we can do". we were losing 3-2 in the last minute but managed to get some queer ass goal that saw us the tie.
i came out of that match with track and sprig marks on my thighs, but it doesn't really hurt. my predators looked beautiful covered in mud. as it dried, my shoes looked started to look organic. that'd be cool, to have a living pair of shoes. they could increase your speed and stuff. science fiction (for now). i watched the first XV play - they whooped the opposition 50-5. after that i came home and took a shower.
i had left my phone in my jacket and mom put it in the wash. that marked the end of it - the last text message i sent was to lisa. the friendship that lisa and i had ended today. i guess we just wanted different things. i wanted to be listened to and she wanted clothes and toys. i'm not pissed off at her. i'm glad she expressed how she felt i was a "little shit", "a victim", "a low blow".
i wish you all the best lisa, you're still a good person. i kinda wish that it would've worked, but i guess it never did. the one thing i'll take from her is to be true and happy to myself. my dad found out that he has some growth behind his prostate. it gives him blood in his urine. hopefully it's nothing serious. i worry about it more than he does. i hope this will be some kind of a reality check to make him quit smoking. i was thinking about smoking today (not actually doing it, just about it).
people who smoked back then say they never knew it was harmful but..how can inhaling any form of smoke be good for you? did they really think that it would make them better? i've set two rules for myself in my life. one: no drugs, and two: no premarital sex. no premarital sex!!!!! i do think that my virginity is special, and i dont want to lose it in a relationship that i'll regret. these two rules get harder and harder to live with as i grow older, but i will stay true to my word. so yeah. my week's been all right. yesterday i went to watch georgia's waterpolo game with amanda. it was really exciting, she got the opening goal! our team almost broke the tie in the last second, but the goal didn't count.
the 3 of us went for a supper desert after that at dennys in the city, and it was quite fun. georgia got me to talk about my dad's incident after that and i got kinda moody for the rest of the night. as i saw georgia play...i just stared and stared..and figured that the only reason why i ever liked her was because she was so flawed.
i understand what she goes through - she's not the most liked girl at school, and she gets played by some people. i liked her because she isn't passive like all the other girls at school. she serves it straight. she's honest about stuff...i've always liked that. i sat across her at dennys and wondered if we would still be in contact after we went our separate ways. that. she has really brown eyes. she got her belly button pierced today and her parents don't know.
naughty :). i also felt really bad about amanda, cause i only got to know her cause i wanted to know more about georgia. and...i lead her in the wrong direction. chanelle broke up with j. i think she'll enjoy being single. she wasn't with us at waterpolo. i don't think amanda wanted her there, cause when i asked amanda she just said "cause she isn't here".
i'd love to hang out with chanelle alone but...i don't think amanda would be too happy. she'd probably think we were seeing each other, but i just want to get to know chanelle better. and if amanda's not happy, she'll bitch to georgia, and georgia'll get really pissed off with me. we haven't argued in ages and i don't have any plans to resurrect that..heh. my song of the moment is 'she will be loved' by maroon 5. the lead singer's voice is unique, and i think the lyrics are very meaningful.
its funny how i can always relate to the lyrics. i finally talked to God again today. i've placed him on sidetrack ever since i left church. got school chapel tomorrow, and i'm kinda looking forward to it :). sigh, anyway, that's about it. i'm going to start planning my exam revision tonight. i intend to do very well. yes..even in physics! haha. i've lost so much today..but i gained even more. 
