  I just woke up, and I feel real yucky. I dont even want to go to work today. But I have to so that my pay check comes in decent...well atleast today is the last day.
Im going to ask Sharim about tomorrow's Boxing match. I wanted to invite my dad and monstro. But Im not even sure if my mom is going to let me attend. Bleh. What else is new? I cant wait till Im 18 Any way yea. Last night I wrote a letter for Jason, telling him how I feel.
But I doubt Im going to even deliver it. Maybe Diane is right, maybe we should spend some time apart... bleh. But what else worries me, is I have a funny feeling that this "Online crush" she has is in fact Jason. And I think Jason encourages it. But I dont know, That could just be me assuming things. I find her really annoying. And Jason says he does too... so maybe not. Im just so tired of all of this. I want to ask Pam, my shrink if she can give me some anti depressents or something. I wouldnt mind seeing the world in rose colored glasses right about now. You know what else is bothering me, is that I used to be suicidal, and depressed all the time, and didnt care about anything, my body went entirely numb.
That feeling is comming back. I barely feel human contact anymore. All I feel now is tormented love for Jason, btu its more like Im feeling teh pains of love more than enjoying it. I can be laughing and smilng, and then a second goes by and I begin to think. Why do I bother laughing, no one even notices my smile.
Bleh. 
