  I sit "hungrily" at my desk, (perhaps a la ee cummings? ) and devour everything in sight. This large cuppa duble-duble, this delicious little butter-tart, which I DON'T need, and the blog of my dearest (though certainly not nearest) friend. In reading her latest, I can't help but think that there is a very heavy weight of sadness on her shoulders, and basically nothing I can do.
Three and a half hurts is a lot, and it's only June. Buddha would say that we cannot ask why, because we know that the disappointments we see are old sleights come to fruition. He would say that we can only accept the hard-times as inevitable, and take what we can from them in the way of learning experience. Would I tell her that? Heck no! I'm no sage, but I would say that we should ask why! The hard-times we have NOW aren't always a result of actions so long ago they can hardly be recalled, but sometimes they are snowballed results of poor choices that happened in the not-so-distant past.
And when I say "poor choices" I don't mean in the uber-moral, existential sort of way, but just poor insofar as they weren't best suited to oneself. WHY should be a question asked about the situation, and even a little bit about oneself. Why did I choose this situation, and why did it not work out to be the best for me? Yup, in the manner of all well-intended advice, easier said than done. Something that's stuck with me was her question: What do I change ?
Wow. My question is this: Why should YOU change ? I don't even mean that to be rhetorical, but it's something that I've asked myself a thousand times, especially in the last six months or so. For example, I know my dear, distant friend to be an intelligent, witty, hilariously funny, cute, adorable, and beautifully graceful woman whom I adore. Why does she get her heart broken? Only because, I think, she's trusting it with the wrong people. That makes sense, doesn't it? If there's nothing wrong with A, there's gotta be something wrong with B. And since I know there's nothing wrong with A, there must be something very wrong with variable B. So what's the answer? To close yourself up, to make yourself emotionally unavailable? To change the most fundamental aspects of your character that the people who already know you love??? No fucking way! Change is an inevitable part of life, but forced change, especially if it goes against your character is never a good idea.
It's like those lucky ones with naturally blonde hair and the millions of women that try to pretend to be just like them even though their blonde comes out of a box of Clairol. They've still got their natural whatever underneath, it'll always show through. The other side of that analogy is the woman with the naturally blonde hair that dyes it black. The tragedy! She's got something that millions of women envy, and she's gonna throw it away just so she doesn't have to listen to another blonde joke again.
Hopefully you're picking up what I'm putting down here. You're a fabulous person: don't change just because you got hurt by someone who couldn't see the beauty and light that is you. " The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. " (Anonymous) 
