  It has been a while, eh? I guess anger seems to override everything else....makes me actually have a reason to write. Why write about something good, when it will just be overcomed by something hideous anyway? So, lets check this out. Priority: 1)Precedence, especially established by order of importance or urgency. 2)Something afforded or deserving prior attention.
Promise: 1)A declaration assuring that one will or will not do something; a vow. Okay, now that we have got that settled. Am I a fucking priority? No, not when it comes to...whatever the hell he was doing today. Like I care, right? About what he was doing, no, not particularly, because frankly even if I did, I still wouldn't erase this.
Yeah, a bit unreasonable huh? Well, a promise is a promise. Not like that means anything to anyone but me. See, here is the thing. I COULD have called later...if I knew that he wanted to go out and do something. It doesn't bother me, honestly.
As long as I know. Right? Right. So, when I call...oh....30 minutes late (OH NO! ), and he isn't home, it is cool because he said he might be a bit late. Okay.
So, again...mom answers the phone. Oh, must have gone somewhere with Mike. Cool...k. An hour later...nope, still haven't seen him. An hour later? What? No answer?
Oh, well...my level of importance shot down to like... here. If I'm lucky. So.....here we go...one last call...hold on a sec... HEY! STILL NO FUCKING ANSWER!.....2 and a half fucking hours later. Yes, wow.....second to what now? His...car?
Or someone elses? Or even another person, right? Who cares. Not like he does. *** But....here it goes. With the worry.
I know I am, because...I don't trust the people that he hangs out with at all. He could be anywhere right now, doing anything. He could be laying in a ditch, a hospital bed. In a million peices on the concrete. Smashed against a pole somewhere. Declared dead at the scene.
Anywhere, and I wouldn't know. Anywhere....and all I can do is sit here...helpless...because I don't know what is going on, and I don't know where he went. And no one is answering his phone. And that worries me, because...where could they have gone? Gotten a call from someone saying that he just got in a horrible accident? I don't know....and there is nothing that I could do, even if I did.
Because I can't be there. Because......I have to be here. Away from the one person that I hold so close to me.... *** Matt...I love you. More and more every day. With everything that you do, I know that you are the one person that I would be truely happy with, forever. And for always, of course :) If anything happened to you, I would be so lost....I would be so alone.
Losing the one person who has meant everything to me. Who I can share everything with, without the fear of being judged. When I can be me...the true and honest me. And you can do the same. Life...it just isn't the same without hearing your voice, touching your hand. Looking into those eyes that just seem to dance.
And when you smile...there is nothing that I wouldn't give to see that forever. I can't lose you, love. I couldn't go on with my life if I knew that something has happened to you. 116 years. Eternity. Whichever is longer.
The trinity knot, to me, was the symblance of 2 bodies with one soul. That is where the power of the three came in. I know, it didn't make sense to anyone else because I never explained it...but that is what it was. We are fused in such a way, that nothing could break that. Not even death. I would go through anything for you, because I know that in the end...it will just be us.
In the end, you are the only person who will have truely been there. And that is just something that I could never let go of. But please, Matt. Please try to understand. Try to understand that no matter how angry I seem, that is all fear of losing you. I get mad when you aren't there because there are so many things that could happen, and I would never know.
No matter what it may seem like at the time, I can almost guaruntee that there is no way that you could mess this up. If anything, you'll get mad at me for expressed my emotions like I do. But until that day, if it ever comes, you are the only thing that matters to me. The only person who I would swim through fire for, and that love will never die. Right now, at this moment, I am in love with the most wonderful, understanding, caring, creative, sexy,.....perfect person. Nothing can change that.
Now, I am going to watch Frasier....so maybe tonight you can call me or something. Not like you are going to read this. But...either way, I am sending out every thought to you...every ounce of energy, every bit of love...just in hopes that you are safe... 
