  Hello All. Been a shit day today, im sure lots of you know, or perhaps you dont those days were you wake up depressed, and you think hmm fuck it i will be ok later... but your not and your still pissed off and you feel everyones getting to you.
Yeah welcome to my day. I looked up all the psychology papers that wer eplaced on the internet today about Teenage Angst just all bullshit about parents worried about their kids and how they try to sum up your whole entire mind about who you are makeing you a good little consumer again. It destroys thousands of talented people everyday. But what they fail to realize Angst is not just over nothing at all, its a way of comprehending how you see yourself and i would say just a attempt before the world breaks you to get yourself heard.
Angst is fueled by death ears. I dunno, well mainly i was thinking about my lack of understanding towards things today, they way i always ask people whats wrong with me, why dont i know... its strange really, i even tried talking to my mother... she wasnt listening so i told her she can shove her head up her arse.
Nice arent i. I dunno i jsut have taken to increasingly stareing at myself for longer Periods of time when im not on here writeing away on some story that i thinks cool but nobodys ever paid any interest in, it would also help if i had some talent and i could spell. My sister has always kinda been my insperation in things, but now i c her as a author, *she's writing a big ol novel and doing really well* and then i see me, with my shoddy Confessions of a 21st century vampire not worth the paper its not written on. She's happy aswell, im not, i saw her Teenage life through the eyes of a child, the rows, the times the dress sense, she always summed up how cool it was to be a teenager.
But hey she didnt tell me she was gonna give me a world of Angst aswell. Stuff hurts you know, when trying to be urself doesnt seem good enough for anyone, when you can talk to someone for hours on end and still feel like they made no connection to you, even though you make a connection to them. My dress sense, my music, my writing my own mind that was influenced by my sister when i was growing up, (yes i know it sounds weird but their are some family things id rather keep to myself) it all seemed so cool back then, when my sister gave me my first Album... Nirvana Nevermind.
It all seemed so cool and liberated back then but nobody ever told me with that you'd get a lot of shit days were everyone hates you for not being normal. Also because ive always been told in my family and these are my mothers exact words "Never be normal" i feel i dont fit into anything. I guess with my parents being quite old im inept at feelings and shit, yeah i guess thats right, i do feel inept.
I cannot tell anyone how i feel without spinning it out for days on end, i have to get other people to start conversations because im to fucking shy to just ask someone "What music you like? " or any basic shit like that. This feeling of worthlessness does colide horribly with the days as im sure everyone gets were you feel fucking invincible, lol like the gillete advert thats on at the moment, were everything you do affects the world, but when you feel like me, it hurts all the more on those days when you find its not true.
Now it comes to the blog, this is always ridiculeing the basic fact. I cannot communicate proply, its obvious when you write em all down in a middle man, and people reading it cannot link it to you because its so aloof from yourself. They cant here me in real life saying these things, i wish they could but i cant do it, im just inept. Id like to finish with a quote a very good friend of mine says, and it makes sense "I like to think im useless in everyway" Thx for reading, goodnight. 
