Drum roll please??? Sigh... once again it is Sunday night. Ugh, back to work tomorrow. As I am sure you can tell, I am ever so fuckin thrilled about that. Not to mention it is supposed to rain all freakin day! Oh what a way to start off the work week, ya know? Haha... anyhow... I'm sure all will be well... I, like most ppl, just dread Mondays. Anyway.. dammit I can't think... someone punch me in the faace! That might get the few brain cells I have left running about. I do have shit on my mind and I am just really unsure of how to deal with it or even talk about it. It's really a general complaint and frustration that I think everyone experiences at some point, but for me, sometimes it really bogs me down. *sigh* Alright, I will spill the beans. What is bothering me, is how easily it is to lose touch with someone or a few friends, or even a bunch of friends. I have met and gotten to know so many people who I am no longer in contact with and yes it makes it easier having less people to stay in touch with, but alot of those people I would def like to hear from... I suppose it really comes down to the simple question of, how good of friends are they in the first place. Also, people move on and have their own lives to live and friends get lost in the shuffle. I just wish some of these people would make more of an effort. It certainly would make me feel better... but it's really unfortunate and for me... it never gets any easier. Losing touch with friends hits me hard always, but even more so when they are
special to me or were at some point and for whatever reason life seems to remind you of them at the weirdest possible moment and blam! you have a chance to talk to them again and see how they are... even after so many years of not knowing whatever happened to them. But for whatever reason, they don't respond to your IM... which could mean several things. A) they simply dont want to talk.. (why they wouldn't I dont know) B) never got the IM in the first place for some reason, maybe b/c someone else was using their screen name to get online (it used to happen quite a bit before so that is why I can't entirely dismiss that as a possibility) or C) they dont remember you (unlikely in this particular case that is bothering me, but understandable). Being the paranoid freak that I am, I always lean toward B... sometimes A, but my brain can't figure out why they wouldn't want to talk to me again after so much time. Maybe that is the reason... Time. The time we talked and were there for each other in the past, I guess will stay in the past and maybe there is no reason to talk again. Who
f'in knows. I was certainly a lot different back in those days than I am now and maybe it is for the better we lost touch... I don't even know where this person is at in their life... Well I made the effort. And if my paranoid brain doesn't keep bugging me about possibility B, then I probably will just let it go as if I never saw this particular person come online. However, I can be such a stubborn ass sometimes, so I doubt my brain will be able
to let me do just that. And the problem lies in the fact for whatever reason I would like to see how this person is doing really badly, but I don't want to become annoying... Oh what to do??? Lets break this down shall we? I know you probably dont want to hear it... but I have no one to talk to about this so I am going to try and work it out via this post. I have already made the initial offering of an IM. Whether this IM was received and read by the party it was intended to, remains a mystery. I could add this person to yahoo messenger and then IM them once again that way, but in order to add them to messenger, that person has to then accept you as their buddy or contact. So I am definately iffy on that. Very iffy. Second, I could send an email... but I just don't know. I mean what harm could it do to be persistent? I just get very nervous. I was shaking when I actually scrolled down my long ass buddy list and saw this person online in my newest folder... entitled: ppl who have dropped off the face of the earth... which is
the weirdest thing b/c I just made this folder and I re-added this person today for reasons still unknown to me... it's so freaky. Dammit... I just dont know what to do. I'm at a loss... of all the close friends I have lost touch with... this person and only this person will I go this nuts about b/c this person and I went through alot of stuff back in the day together even though we werent in the same place. I worry about this person and have never forgotten
about them. Obviously, I have lived my life and gone long periods of time w/o ever having them pop into my mind, but seeing them come online did something to me. I really thought I would never see them or talk to them again... So I have been online all day since I woke up. An hour before I went to my parents for a cookout and to celebrate my brother Tim's birthday, I saw this person online when I came back from watching tv and doing chores. I was
so shocked that this person was online literally a couple of hours after something compelled me to re-add them to my buddy list, that I had to take a shower (which I needed to do anyway) before I could send out that IM. I was so nervous that I didn't look at the IM box for a good couple of minutes... and when I didn't get a response, I closed the box... said it fuckin figures and left to go to my parents. In the entire time since I got back (around 6:30)... it is 12:30 now... so 6 hrs... I have seen this person come and go half a dozen times from being online. Don't get me wrong, I
haven't sat here glued to my computer waiting to see if they would IM me. I have been so busy this evening, that in order to keep my sanity, I have stopped what I was doing every so often to check my away message for new IMs... and well nothing of course. So what does this all mean? Who the f' knows?!? Probably nothing whatsoever!!!! My mind is now saying that I need to just relax and if its meant to be I will talk to this person, if not,
then sadly no. So I think I will take my minds advice and let it go for now. "I don't know if you can hear me I'm feelin down and can't think clearly And even though it's complicated We got time to start again I don't know if you can hear me Somethings I'd change but it's too late I'd take the past and make it straight And even though it's complicated We got time to start again I don't know if you can hear me Even though it's complicated We got time to start again I don't know if you can hear me I'm sorry for the things I said But some thoughts just won't leave my head And even though it's complicated We got time to start again I don't know if you can hear me Even though it's complicated We got time to start again I don't know if you can hear me Even though it's complicated We got time to start again I don't know if you can hear me" "Start Again" by Adam Duritz
