  Here's the gist of it: I feel physically and somewhat mentally exhausted, but I feel extremely restless inside. My parents are getting divorced and I swear it's taking its toll on all of us. I try not to let it effect me but there's only so much I can do. To compound my anxiety, I have those SATs coming up on the 5th of June, which reminds me that I have to write Rebecca an E-mail saying that I can't make it for the next couple of weeks because I need to study for the stupid thing. I don't like work, I don't like play, I don't like family, I don't like 90% of my life but that's a lot to ask for. I don't think that most people like their lives, but they take what given to them and make the best of it. I've got to try and look at things positively and look at what I do have and try not to focus on what I don't have, and if I do focus on it, not just whine about it, but try to fix it as well.
It's not always easy, but no one has it easy. Everyone's got their set of shit. The 10% of my life that I find enjoyable is the time that I spend with friends and my guitar. There is nothing I value more than a couple good friends. While my cousin Peter is technically family, I consider him more of a friend than a relative. I have to worry about what I say in front of my relatives because of what they might think and how it might reflect on my parents and whatnot. With friends I don't have to do that. They accept me and my beliefs for what they are and don't BLAME anyone else for my position.
I wish everyone was like that. I've known only two people in my life so far who I could trust like that. The first one was Shannon, my ex-girlfriend. She single-handedly helped me grow more than anyone else that I could name. I cared for her deeper than anyone before and to this day, still love and care for her. There is so much that I wish didn't do and so much that I wish I did.
I miss her. The other is Peter. My relationship with Peter isn't so deep, or perhaps is deeper just subliminal. He's great to hang out with because he doesn't judge me. He listens, sometimes disagrees, is almost always funny, and has a marvelous singing voice (not really >_ NOTE: If family isn't listed, that doesn't imply that they're a friend or anything like that. If they're listed, they deserved it. If you're not listed, too bad, this is the truth. ANOTHER NOTE: I'm not listing buddies.
I'm listing true friends. Here's a short list of my friends: Peter Peggy Here's a short list of former friends: Shannon Here's a short list of semi-friends: Sara Dan Ali Here's a short list of people with whom I want to be friends: David Damian Charlie Maria Megan Jessica Monica Joe Leslie Fiona Jim (Added on June 2nd) Kat (Added on June 2nd) Lauren (Added on June 4th) Jenni... or is it Jenny or neither? I don't know, she's a Kaiser (Added on June 2nd) Everyone in the world who doesn't have an evil agenda.
Perhaps what I need is a girlfriend or "significant other". Then again, maybe I don't need a girlfriend or "significant other". I think I just need a person who I can trust with anything and everything, someone who will both listen and talk, someone who wont judge me, someone who will always be there for a favor, and in return I would always reciprocate.
I don't care on the gender, but those are all things that are a must for me in a life-mate. Again, that's a lot to ask for though. I have it good and shouldn't bother with what I don't have. In conclusion, life will always be harder than you want it to be and if it's not, you're either doing something wrong, mentally challenged, are in the top one ninth gajillionth percent of the population, or just haven't waiting long enough. Be patient, it'll get to you sooner or later. For those who never see it, I congratulate you. One line: Parents getting divorced, SAT on 6/5, work sucks, life's hard, it never ends, it's that way for most people as far as I know. That is all. -- Feanor 
