  jennifer's in the hospital. hallucinations. sometimes i don't understand these quick decisions. seems everyone is quick to jump on the "let's put jennifer in the hospital" bandwagon. i wish they wouldn't do that or that she wouldn't do it to herself.
at least not so many times. i'm just concerned it'll be hard for her to get work someday with all the mental hospitalizations possible on record. i thought it'd be nice to visit with her this weekend, but i'm starting to see that won't be possible. i won't be able to spend any time with her assuming she's still there when i get there. there used to be demons out to get me. maybe i was hallucinating, but i don't think so. I'm not even sure i believe in hallucinating. i think we are allowed to see the inside world sometimes - maybe good, maybe horrific. i think i'll coin that term for myself. the last couple of weeks have been very trying for me. i'm trying to stay "up" emotionally. i'm trying very hard to remain occupied - keep my mind on things that are lifting. i went to church this weekend. i think i like litugical churches. i think i want to go to one.
this particular church is lutheran - i thought it was catholic. mimi goes there sometimes. i just wanted to see what it's like. is lutheran catholic? i have no idea. there's a presbyterian church i'd like to visit. i still find it baffling the "conservative" churches are more liberal in mind set and the "contempory" churches are so conservative. about the liturgical church. i like hearing classical music. it puts me in a quiet, still kind of worship.
everything has a particular meaning, although i don't necesarily want to visit a church that doesn't deviate from the strict rules. I wish all the songs weren't hymns. anyway. i hope i find a place where i can belong and still feel free to be myself whatever that is. that's all for now 
