  Today was Eat What you Want Day. So I did. I wanted ice cream for lunch and that is what I ate. I ate my Dairy Queen Reese's Pieces urlLink Blizzard (a medium is approximately 950 calories) as I drove around, thinking and trying to relax. The more I think about things, the more confused I get. When I try to explain how I feel, I don't feel like my true intentions come across properly. I feel like no matter how I explain my words, actions or thoughts, no one will really understand my meaning or intent. Take last night for example. I don't think that Kris will understand why I am upset, and he will probably just tell me I shouldn't be upset. Plus, I kind of brushed off the issue today on the phone. I made him think I am upset about school, which I am, but that is not really why I was crying on the phone. Maybe I don't know my boundaries...like how upset should I be? How do I know which fights to fight, and which to let lie.
I don't worry too much about Kris, and I am not really afraid he will cheat on me. Mostly I am afraid of being left out of the fun. Plus I want to know what is going on...I need to be communicated with. Kris is not always the best at doing that. Last night before I went to bed, I wrote about all this in my paper journal, in the hopes that getting things off my chest would help me fall asleep without stewing.
It worked, but today, last night is mostly what I thought of. I am trying to be a good girlfriend. I don't want Kris to think he is pussy-whipped; I don't want Kris to be pussy-whipped. I don't want him to think he needs to clear his schedule with me, but if he tells me to call him before I come over, and when I call him he doesn't answer or leave me a message that he has made other plans, I feel hurt.
I feel like he doesn't always respect me, my time, and the sacrifices I sometimes make to spend time with him. I don't mind making sacrifices for Kris, or doing things for him. Its just that I expect sacrifices made for me in return. I have cut class for him plenty times, and skimped on homework so we could spend time together. I don't think he has done that for me. I don't know if Kris would understand all this. He is very understanding and supportive, but maybe all this only makes sense to me. I know Kris loves me, and I love him. This is just another urlLink bump in the road. 
