  My life is touched by many moments of passing years. I remiber so many things, good, and bad. I have never forgotten those meaningful words, thta once broguht me hope an dpleasure. but now i find none to comfort me, missing soembody so much i can hardly breath. I miss your voice, i miss yuor smell, i miss everything about you. I hardly know you, but inside i beleive i might.
I dont know you, i wish i did, but life isnt alwasys about knowing, its about liveing and finally laying on a grassy floor thinking and figuring out what soemthing one day meant in that moment. But now in the present it doesnt make since, but in the future all comes to the glory of fugur oyu out sort of thing. To this day though, i cant quite figure out my lifes meaning, or why i am even here. Even wheni am gone i will still wnader why i feel inlove at 16, why i went through so much hurt, why my mother was sick the first 5 years of my life wheni needed her the most? Why i wnet with abusive boys who thought they were men, wheni had a loveing father that never hurt me? Why i stuggled with drugs, when my father had tought me the rules since he was a drug counsler.
I'd seen what it did to people. Why i felt so rejected when soemone did pick me out of the hostpital and brang me home, but still i didnt understand why anyone would throw me away like she did? Why did she want me now? Why does he look for me now? 16 years and now they want a relatioship with me? Thier daughter, that they never saw grow up... why does this still hurt me?
Why do i feel rejected so much? why do i fall completly inlove with guys who give me the lest amount of attention? I dont knwo what love is- but i was raised with it, and how to use it. I have little glimpeseof happy moments, but i dare not shar them outloud- afraid thyed dissapera. Sometimes i'd like to dissapear- just go away. But i dont know where id go.
What could be worse than this life? and what could be better? i dont know, i dont really care anymore, i just am liveing my life for everyone to elses enjoyment. I think not of myself as much as i did, but i still feel lonely with inside my soul,. I have God, but that is nt all feeling as everyone says it is. I still need a mans touch to be fole, but now is not my time ot think of such.
I cant i get depressed if i think about what i dont have, instead of what i have had with men, the good times. The laughs, jokes, funny things we did or said. I miss evryone, i miss the good times. I wish soemone would tell me if i am crazy or boring to read from... 
