  hello dear readers of my blog. Long time no see. I guess I've been in such a self-destructive mood lately I haven't had the time to even bother with posting. Probably all the better for you, Dear Readers, as I would have scared the living Buddah out of you. I get a little freaky sometimes. But I've been pondering: What IS the meaning of life?
I've asked around and the main answer is 'To love and be loved in return. ' But what does it mean to be successful in life? What if you become the most famous person in the world? What then? You just slink away to be forgotton like everyone else in the world. What about those who don't find love?
What about them? What about bums that don't get to be succesful? At this point in time I feel like lying down and quietly dying. I've never been known to want to be noticed at all. I don't like attention.. I mean, everyone likes attention from family and friends but I've never wanted to be noticed by anyone.
I just wanna be one of those people that sink in under the radar and live how they like. Sure, I may get teased along the way but screw everyone else. I'm here for me. I wish I were invisible. Then no-one could see me. That would be wicked.
I want to wait up all night for Rusty. I want to see if he comes on at all. I just want to wait forever. It feels like I could cry every time I remember him. I wish I had some port of communication with him. It's so stupid to be infatuated with someone you haven't spoken to for months.
It's stupid and it hurts! It SUCKS. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers me at all. If he has any thoughts of me. Any glimses of me. Even if it were hate, it would be better than nothing.
At least he could send me a hate message and I'd know he knew I was alive. God this hurts. It fucking sucks. Anyway.. School has been totally shithouse. I swear my teachers want me to die. I guess I'll leave you with this.
I wouldn't want to scar your undented minds. Live long and prosper. Steph. 
