  i just dont get um at all...why dont they make sense? ok so heres a little background for those of you who are interested ..me n gary are pretty cool together well way cool together and ive been trying for 6 months to not get attached or emotional but still continue to sleep with him. now i realize that thats unrealistic and life just isnt like that but hey he's smokin hot so im gonna try anyway. something about the guy is just addicting. when ive started getting feelings for him before i just kind of gracefully disapear for a few weeks or however long and then we seem cool again. not so this time. its just getting worse everytime i see him. sometimes he a fuck and sometimes he is so god damn mushy and cute around me i have no clue what goes through the guys head...well hey he decided to enlighten me yesterday. it was in guy language and it really seemed to be painful for him to just lay it all out...i think he is kinda in the same position as me when it comes to relationships ( been there done that dont want to again anytime soon) ok fuck this..im really trying to make sure i dont type things that might offend or bother him and that pisses me off so from now on im going to say exactly wtf i need/want to say. i think he likes me i think he really is getting feelings for me. i think he tried to tell me this but either he sucks at spilling his guts or i suck at comprehending things that scare me....dont know.
after this odd conversation i kinda just sit around like a complete idiot for about 30 min trying to figure out what just happened and what was really said. i swear we have the most bizarre sport sex relationship. ok after all this he decides to not see me so naturally i freak a bit and think ill never see him again...ooohhhh to be an overdramatic female...so on to today...i miss him..... .
.god im sappy sometimes. today was a bit better...well somewhat. i pretty much decided this was all to much for me and said im done. i thought this was something gary wanted also and that it would relieve some stress for us both. well he didnt really seem down for this idea...now this just totally caught me off gaurd and i didnt even know what to say...so right now were pretty much just hangin on to whatever it is that makes us crazy attracted to each other with out really saying that we are. for some reason thats comforting to me...i would be quite content with seeing him once or twice a week and keeping us not serious. that sounds much better than not seeing him at all 
