  Hey... These are the nots that I was talking about in the last few posts... The ones that I never got around to putting on here... Friends & Darkness Hey… Right now I’m in second period Physical Education and writing this on a piece of paper. I will transfer this over onto computer later. Anyways, I received a note from one of my old friends that I sort of still talk to, and she reminded me of all the good times that we had shared over the course of the year.
I don’t see why all of my friendships have to end like this. It doesn’t make since that everyone has someone to talk to and yet I’m all alone. I don’t even know how many posts I have written on my previous friendships. Now I’m in fourth period, Pre-Algebra, but I will continue off of the previous topic and branch off from there to say what I have to. I don’t mind being on my own most of the time, but some of the time I would like to tell all of my secrets.
I miss being able to go over to a friends’ house and have no problem rummaging through their fridge. I like having someone else’s house to go to when I’m happy, sad, mad, or even bored. Is it right for me to miss a friend that turned their back on me when I did nothing wrong? I miss her, though. Why, I don’t know. But I do. I think missing an old friend is like missing a passed-away pet… Despite how much you love them, you can never get them back unless a miracle happens.
Oh, I wish I believed in miracles and one would occur for me; but hey, I don’t believe in them anymore, so that is the point of hoping for our friendship to come back alive and the way it was? Most of what I believe in now has to do with heartbreaks and blackness. Over the years I have turned into a very dark person.
I enjoy pain… I can’t handle the wants and needs of a normal humane being. I feel like I no longer have any right to feel the wants and needs of normal people. What’s the point of trying to be normal when nobody is going to take the time to care? I mean, I don’t expect people to only pay attention to me… But sometimes I wish they would show me the courtesy of a little attention for all that I have given them.
But anyways, I’m going to go, so bye! Just Darkness Hey… I just came into sixth period a little while ago. I figured I had nothing better to do, and a few things to say, so I might as well write them down so I remember. You know how I said before, how I was a very dark person? Well, I have been thinking about that. It is true, no doubt, but I believe I am a sweeter sort of darkness; like a dark room that only has one lamp, and over the lamp is a silk red cloth so only the dull, soft, red glow can be seen. Does that make any since? It’s like me, though, because the darkness has a power to override that soft red undertone.
You would never think of any of this if you saw me, but I guess you could say I have multiple personalities because there is a completely different person lurking inside of me that absolutely nobody knows about, except for a few, select, people. My fears are still the same, but my heart is only big enough for one personality. Lucky for people, this is the personality that people actually get to see.
But, even then, my heart is filled with more dread than love. But anyways, the bell is going to ring so I’ll see when I do. Anyways, this is all I have for you. For now. So, Bye! 
