  the other night,  chris,  mimi,  my brother,  and i were sitting in the kitchen playing Phase 10. nbsp;
 someone was dealt a bad card,  one they didnt need,  so in a completely joking way,  they did that& nbsp; thing where you make your hand into a gun by making an L-
shape with just your index finger and thumb and pretended to shoot themself in the head.  that made me think of something and i was sad for the rest of the night. nbsp;  i couldnt play the game anymore,  or at least i couldnt concentrate. nbsp;
 i went in the living room and sat down& nbsp; in the really super comfy& nbsp; armchair and cried,  but no one realized it.
nbsp;  i think i was pissed off for the most part. nbsp; nbsp; i still am. nbsp;
 i dont want to give any of the details of what it reminded me of here because it's too public and it's a& nbsp; very personal thing but seeing that brought back some really horrible memories.  & nbsp;  speaking of horrible memories.
 when we were at my Grandparent's ranch 2 weekends ago for the family reunion,  i remembered something pretty vividly that has haunted me for the past 4 years. nbsp;  i got all emotional and i was crying,  but i was sitting by myself out on the hill because out there you can see stars for miles and miles around. nbsp;
 so my brother came over after a little bit and told me what i needed to hear. nbsp;  that was good.  and again,  being as he is,  my best friend came over and sat with me and held my hand.
nbsp;  it seems like everytime something bad happens,  he's right there.  like when we were in Germany and at state 2 years ago and all kinds of things.  what would i do.  and when my mom was in the hospital last year,
 he gathered a bunch of German club people up and we went and visited her in the hospital. nbsp;  some people were sent by God as angels,  and he's definately one of them.
