  Announcer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the Compendium of Stupidity once-in-a-lifetime event, the night you've all been waiting for, well, okay, the night some of you have briefly waited for and the rest of you don't know or care about, welcome to... THE COMPENDIUM OF STUPIDITY 500 POST SPECTACULAR! with your host, William Shatner! *Stunning lack of Applause* William Shatner: Hi, I'm... William Shatner. Some of you... May know me as... Captain James T. Kirk from.... Star Trek. But today, I'm here to... host this... spectacular event.
But first a... word from Jonah Comstock. Jonah: Guys, I'm really sorry. It was a last minute thing, and he was the only celebrity I could get! Really! Laurence is in MAui, and all the good Star Trek actors have too much pride. Jonathan Frakes: Not me!
I'll do it! Didn't you see the will work for food sign! Shatner: Quiet you! Jonah: (Awkward pause) Anyway, I'm sure he won't be too bad. Shatner: Thank you... Jonah. I'm supposed to.... introduce our first... speaker.
But, instead I'm going to... sing a song from my next... solo album. Donald Trump: You're Fired. Jonah: He's so right. Hey Donald, you want to host. Trump: No, but I am interested in buying out this blog. Jonah: We'll work this out.
Mean while, let's welcome our first guest, Marten. Marten: Sometime ago, I started this fine blog late on a friday night. Maybe it was thursday,or some other night all together. The point is that I started it. and Nate didn't. Sure he was there, but it was my machine, dram it.
I posted first. It was about thinking I was pregnant because of an irrational craving for peanuts. I'm glad I'm male. Also, just because Michael had the first blog doesn't mean it was his idea. Jerry Springer: We didn't tell Marten, but we've brought fellow bloggers Nathan and Michael to the studio. (At this point the words "He took credit for my blog and is sleeping with my mother" appear at the bottom of the screen) Nathan: You're taking credit for my blog!
Michael: And you're sleeping with my mother! (A humorous fight ensues, until the security finally tear them apart) Announcer: We'll be back after these messages. Message 1: The doctor called to confirm your appointment for 3:00 Message 2: The Germans! They're invading! Ahhh! Message 3: Don't do drugs.
Announcer: By "messages", I kinda meant advertisements. Messages: Like anyone would pay to advertise on this show. Announcer: What ever. Welcome back to the 500 post spectacular, with your host The Olsen Twins. Mary Kate (Or possibly Ashley): You know, we ARE two people! The other one: Did you see that, Ashley?
Our speaker credits are even mixed up. Mar- Ash- Who cares? : That's it. We are so leaving. The next guest is somebody. Thomas: I have loved this blog like a child.
I can't believe it's 500 now! It seems like yesterday when this blog was 10! It may seem like I ignored the blog for awhile, but it was a secret affair between the blog and I. (Thomas winks a huge wink at the camera) Jonah: I kinda need to buy some time here. Trump: Well, now that you mention it Jonah: Quiet you! Anyway, here's Amaris "Sarah" Moon, founder of Compendium-based blog "Oh my aching sushi.
" Sarah: Compendium is the sole reason for my existence, the lone joy in my life, the one truth in a world of darkness. Without Compendium, there would be no such thing as "Oh, My Aching Sushi! " (collective gasp) Compendium is my inspiration to go out and make a difference in the world. It has made me learn to stop and wonder about the big things in life, such conundrums as whether the staff at McDonald's is actually conspiring against me every time they forget the cheese on my Cheddar Melt. I owe everything to Compendium. Adam West: Wow.
That was beautiful. By the way, I'm Adam West. You might remember me as Batman. Remember Batman? Wasn't he cool? Wasn't I cool?
Cooler than Toby Macguire. I mean what kind of super hero is a nerd? Jonah: *ahem* Adam West: I'm here to tell you about how you can make money in your sleep. Jonah: *ahemhem* Adam West: I mean, our next guest is Taul Pyler, who recently suffered a cloning accident, but is both a new blogger and a prospective one. Pyler: Hi, I'm Tyler. Or Paul.
Nevermind. Anyway, I've only been with Compendium a little while but... Wait a minute, I'm not on Compendium yet, I'm still no wait. I've got a headache. No I don't! Announcer: And that's all we have time for.
Now, to finish off this magical night, a montage of past templates All characters portrayed in this blog are fictional. Any resemblence to a real person, living or dead is one hell of a coincidence. SQEE! SQUEE! SQ(U)EE! Yar, This Be a Super Ball!
~.... what's that guy's name, anyway? Sit Ubu, Sit. Good Dog. Woof! I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
It's okay! I had Subway! Whats the point of calling it a laptop if you're not supposed to use it on your lap? Good Lord, there's a modem in my shoe! He'll try to tuck and roll, but it won't work because he has square pants Does my sexiness offend you? Wacky is filling your car's gas tank with 3-octane gasoline.
Absurd is filling your car's tank with a ferret. I fell down the chimney onto a flaming goose! Well, rotate my vertices and call me a trapezoid! I know from sparrows to starlings. After that, everything's a duck, as far as I'm concerned. Oy with the fishcakes already!
Stop Kemps! We're playing Euchre! The vegetable must be destroyed. The vegetable must NOT be destroyed! History is about to crack wide open. Millennium Approaches.
History is about to crack wide open. Hold on to something. History is a giant crack. Sorry, I couldn't help myself But you could be having sex with Yoko Ono right now! It's the smell of freedom... and the chemicals they treat your dashboard with. But you also find yourself saying 'Natalie, if you screw that up again I'll set you on fire.
' Shut up, Carrie. You don't want a baby. You want shoes. Tammy's testicle ad may compromise our ability to win this task. Stop this war! Shame on you, Hobbits!
It arrests this war, his disonore of the main extremities of the title! That's Adorable! Justice makes it giggle! Nothing ruins an evening at the movies like being struck down by the wrath of God. Anyway, he seems like he'd be the guy who scores drugs for everyone, except there are never any drugs in musicals. He says he can get a "samurai sword" and some "grass skirts.
" Huh? What the hell are people into on this island? This car belongs to the evil Dr. Stegman, who parks in spots that don't belong to him and finds Andrew McCarthy to be petulant and oddly short. It's raining turkeys; what more do you need?! It came with a matching tie, using a liberal definition of the term "matching" They're both made of fabric? Pretty much.
' It's time to bring this ship into the shore, and throw away the oar forever. Why shake hands when we can shake...other things? Like Lips. The Betty-one looks drowsy! Oh my God, you're putting my mother's cats on the Supreme Court. It is his love, it is his life, it is his fault he didn't lock the garage!
You invited all my friends! And, in a move that stresses quantity over quality, you also invited all my enemies. Robo-host: Well, that was just wonderful, wasn't it? So many memories. Now blog member Sophia would like to say a few words. Sophia: I just wanted- Robo-host: Word limit of few(def: 3) words reached.
Discontinue talking. Now, we'll conclude with Erin, who is with us via satellite. Erin: Do I get to talk? Or are you going to cut me off? (pause for answer) Robo-host: 5 second pause signifies talking finished. That's our show, goodnight everyone.
(Robo-host explodes) 
