  Every single thing that I've dreamed about in life has never come to past. I realise that I'm a lousy decision-maker, that's why I hate making them. I just feel like crying and beating myself up. I blame myself for every decision I make cause I know somehow, I'll regret. Sometimes I wished I was never born. Life would be simpler that way. Well, I wouldn't be alive to know that anyway. But, things are what they are now. Couldn't do anything much about it though. I've wondered many times about how it would be like when I die. I tend to bother a lot about my death. How would my funeral be like? How many and who would turn up? Who would be crying and who wouldn't bother about me at all? I wouldn't wanna doubt whether I'd be in heaven or not.
But I believe I would be. And I definitely couldn't wait for that day to come. I have more than a million questions running thru my head at this point. Eunice would know what about because we've done these kinda mind boggling chats many times at night. The more we ask, the more questions we would get, yet, without an answer. Guess we'll just ask God all about them when we get to heaven=) I feel really low now.
Depressed and probably about to have an emotional breakdown. I feel confused and not focused about anything at all. Where am I heading in life? That, I do not know. I wanna jump off a building and let this all end. Easy way out, I suppose. I know it's wrong but I feel this ever so often and all I want to do is just that. Can never explain what's going thru my mind now. O God, forgive me for all my doubts and wrong doings. Lead me in whatever I should do and wherever I should go. 
