  Keith was where I left him, he was talking to a female newcomer. “I’m not breaking anything up am I”? I enquired. “Don’t be daft” said Keith “Dan this is Geraldine”. “Hello Geraldine, just arrived”? “Yeah” she said in a broad urlLink Geordie accent, “about an hour ago”. “you got time for a refill Keith”? “No thanks” he replied “I’ve got to go and have a quick wash”, “Its ok up there” Keith”. “Dave’s been in the bathroom but hasn’t had a dump”. “That bad”? asked Geraldine screwing up her eyes and nose, “you bet, trouble is it can hang around for days, I dread to think what his insides must be like” I said. “Enjoy your night out Keith and don’t come back pissed”. “I’ve got the night off because of being on detox, but if you do, have two or three for me”. “I wish”, said Keith, “see you two later”. I turned to Geraldine “didn’t think urlLink Geordies and natives of urlLink Middlesbrough spoke to each other”?
“Too near urlLink Sunderland … … or something like that, if I remember” I asked. “Usually … … It was just reassuring to hear a recognizable accent” she replied. I asked, “you been given a number yet”? “A number”?. “Yeah … … … for your mug“. I held up my now empty, well stained mug, time for a refill I think. “One of these” I said shaking the mug from side to side. “No, not as yet”. “Right we had better go and get you one, I don’t think I could have got this far without a constant supply of hot tea, its my lifeline to the real world”.
The usual introductions took place. Geraldine came from urlLink Whitley Bay and was aged thirty but looked younger with her makeup on. She had just been divorced by her husband, who walked out on her eighteen months previous, she had really been hitting it hard for all of that time. She sought help but couldn’t do it on her own so she was referred here by her doctor with support from her psychiatrist. She had been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts. We soon found a mug and hook that was not occupied.
“There you go, what’s your poison”?
I asked.
“Coffee, three sugars”, “Brilliant we can start a group for sugar anonymous… … … I shovel it in as well”. We went back to the lounge when the bell went, I very nearly jumped out of my skin. “What’s that for”? asked Geraldine. That’s for the urlLink AA meeting , the coach is here. “You on detox”? “Yeah the usual urlLink methadone I hate the fucking stuff”, “but it’s better than going cold” she added.
The house soon emptied leaving five very anxious people, anxious because none of us could hide within a crowd, we had to make conversation. When faced with situations such as this I tend to shut my eyes and jump right in. “Anyone fancy a ad hoc meeting…..only joking”. I quickly added. “No thank you” came the reply from the gentlemen in the corner. “This is going to be hard work” I said to Geraldine. “We will meet them upstairs as its nearly time for “happy hour”, there is always a well ordered line, especially those on detox. Any time in the next few minutes we will get the call, your only reminded once on admission and if you don’t turn up, which is a rarity so I have heard, you’ve either passed out or walked”.
“Any time now you said … … … is that right”? Asked Geraldine “Because it feels that I have a circus performing in my stomach, and I think it very probable that this coffee is going to come back up shortly”. Geraldine brought her hand to her mouth and said in a muffled voice something like “qewsme” and dived out into the reception area heading for the female loo’s. At that point Nancy walked into the reception area carrying the bell and gave it a short sharp blast, which echoed round the house and was capable of waking the dead.
This was the bell for drugs round. A couple of minutes later Geraldine returned, “medication time” I said in the style of Nurse Ratched from urlLink “One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest”. “Phew, that’s better”, “the first of many if past experiences are anything to go by”. “I know the feeling” I replied “but even that gives me a buzz“. I have often described myself as suffering from urlLink bulimia although the type of behaviour that I indulge in does not strictly fall in with the classic urlLink bulimia criteria . Definition of urlLink male childhood sexual abuse Other information can be got at urlLink malesurvivor.org 
