  I am anxious and cranky. Not even watching every episode of Buffy ever made seems to be working to cheer me up. Hence the lack of blogging because blogging requires motivation, and motivation is something that I never have when I am anxious and cranky. Why so cranky you ask? Where to begin.... Well, there is the fact that I have only 3 days of classes left.
Yikes. I'll have a masters degree and will be done with school until the time I am ready to return for my PhD. I've never not been in school, so that's kind of freaky. But it isn't really the done that's freaking me out so much as it is the leaving. In just about a month, I'll be moving in with my parents again. Now, married and living at my dad's house is something that I never planned on being, but that is now part of my shamble of a plan.
I don't want to leave here if I don't have to.....here is where I know how to be who I am. I don't know how to do that there. And this brings us to the "if I don't have to" part of our show. You see, I'm totally willing to pack up all my belongings, give away my cat, and move into my dad's basement with no real job IF and only IF we can leave for the Peace Corps in November. I'm not willing to be homeless, jobless, and catless if the Peace Corps is going to tell us that we can't go. I'm willing to make very significant sacrifices in my life for the chance to serve with the Peace Corps, but I don't think it's fair for them to ask me to make these sacrifices when all they've told us so far is that we will "probably" go.
I'd hate to have passed up several very exciting teaching jobs because I can't sign a contract, and I'd hate to move into my dad's house because I can't sign a lease......all just for a maybe. And then of course, there's always the fun of explaining to people every single day why we haven't heard anything yet....We are still waiting for medical clearance. Apparently it takes forever. That's all we know. Please stop asking. We promise you will be the first to know as soon as we hear anything.
I just feel like my life is in limbo right now. I've always had a plan for what comes next....and if I had things my way, the plan would be to hang out at my dad's for a few months until we leave for Africa. Unfortunately, the plan is not for me to make right now. The plan all lays in the hands of some nurse in D.C. Her plan is about the same as mine unless she decides not to clear us....and then of course there is no backup plan.
I would have a backup plan except for the whole can't sign a lease can't sign a teaching contract issue. And that's why I'm anxious and cranky. 
