  urlLink I died today~ Technically speaking I didnt die, but the name that I had become known to at my place of employment, that concrete jungle looking over Battery Park, killed me off. For nine months almost I had become known as Joshua Carter for some unknown reason, they placed me as this, so I thought am I a distant relative of Jimmy Carter, or maybe Kimberly Carter, who knew...well now I am officially known as a Carpenter again, which is kind of sad, I think I will miss Joshua Carter, it was fun to be someone else and not have to be me for awhile.
Which now brings me to todays entry. Dead Like Me~ This show is just brilliant, it comes on Friday nights on Showtime. Its about a girl who had absolutely know path in life, who dies in a tragic accident...a toilet seat hits her as she is on her lunch break. Her screwed up family mourns her loss as she is reborn as a grim reeper...yes you heard it GRIM. With a sexy british boy, a former Different World star and a former Doc and some chic that was on a highschool "Saved by the bell" show on Nickelodeon, they take people when it is their time to go. So does this mean that its my time to go? Which brings me to the next question..when do we know? I was sitting with the love of my life last night and studying my monolgues while he goes through his computer to clean it up and I see pictures of his formers...I see this one guy that triggers something in me making me blurt out in the midst of Oscar Wilde, "I know him! " Of course Papi looks at me like "Huh? " so I naturally say again, "I know him, his name is uh....." and I search for the name "Jeffrey". His mouth hit the floor...turns out a guy he dated back in March is now dating a guy that I dated back in March, ironic or fate? See its things like that, which make me realize there are signs if your life is going the way it should. You just have to know what they are when they show up...I think God gives us our plans, so I think my life was thrown off track with the death of my father, and the other shit that happened, but its now back on track...I think we get thrown by many things, that is why some of us succeed way before others and some don't...life is a choice and you have to choose the right path...however there are many paths, which could take you way off course.
My new roommie and my papi have the same middle name, my ex roommies best friend turned out to be a friend I knew...in a city of millions what are the odds. SO this brings me back to my point about being dead. If I were to die, does that mean I achieved what I was supposed to do..and if so...then what was that?
Did all those people that died on 9-11 achieve what they were supposed to do in life, did they touch someones life...somehow I just don't think so, but then you read the stories that are written about them and you see they were amazing people, but when you die, do people make up things about you to make you seem greater than you were????
Regardless when I die I want to come back like Georgia in "Dead Like Me" and take people to the great beyond when they have completed what they were put here for...so in further... Here lies Joshua Carter...he was a good man...he will be missed....or will he? What would my obituary say? Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy? " The second was, "Did you find joy? " --Leo Buscaglia 
