  When my grandmother died, we didn't have a funeral. I asked my mom why. She said that it was because no one would come. "You mean she didn't have any friends? " "She did. But they are all dead. She outlived them all. " Come to think of it, I recall her once saying to me, "I have more dead friends than I have alive ones.
" My mom goes through periods where she thinks this way as well. She told me once, "I'm getting to that age where your friends start dying pretty regularly. " Not the odd accident or the tragic illness. Just inevitable death. One day I got to work and there was an email from my mom. I've since deleted it, but to paraphrase, it went something like this: "Greg, I would just like to remind you that when I die, I do not want a funeral and I do not want to be buried. Please have me cremated. Unlike your father, I don't have any specific place where I would like my ashes spread, just someplace pretty.
I really like roses, so maybe just drive around until you see some pretty rose bushes in the neighborhood and spread them there. But do it at night as I am pretty sure that the dumping of human remains on other people's property is illegal. " That last line still makes me laugh. I deleted the email because I felt guilty about laughing at my mother's death.
I like old folk songs from the 19th century. Many of them center themselves around death. All those diseases that we now can cure. So many deaths during child birth. Kids often never made it to adulthood. And the wars. All those wars. Death was everywhere. Death was part of life. And we still have wars. In Chad, Sudan, the DR Congo, Serbia, Middle East, etc. Throughout the world, most people still have to live with death, and not just the memory of a person or two, but the constant threat of it on a daily basis.
With that probably comes some level of acceptance of the facts of life and death. Not that it makes life any more pleasant. Just a little bit more honest. I mean, we should try to curtail it and help people's suffering, but its not a disease. Its not something we can eradicate. Here. Many people can't even stand the idea of consuming a dead animal.
I remember a passage from Fast Food Nation where a farmer says something along the lines of, "Have you ever seen what a coyote can do to an elderly cow? Its a hell of a lot worse than turning him into hamburger. " Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I had to kill animals on a regular basis. Not for sport, but for survival. Maybe I'd be more accepting of it. Maybe out of sanctity, or maybe out of how casual and rote it may become.
Listening to all the politics these days centered around security, about securing our lives, I find it sort of funny that we don't talk about the thousands upon thousand of lives that are dying in other lands for our security. I think what Americans are really trying to say is, "Not on my front door. " Lets keep that death unspoken, like our pedophile priests and retarded uncles. Lets keep those skeletons in those closets, out of sight, out of mind. Maybe I should ignore my mother's final line. End the secrecy, walk up to a front door, ring the door bell, introduce myself and say, "This is my mom. She's dead, like you will be one day. Can I put her on your roses? She would have liked that. " If I came to your door, what would you say to that? Maybe if we had a little death at all our homes, we'd be more aware of what we are doing abroad. 
