  Okay,  I've been home alone all day today,  since I had a really serious migraine,  stinging pain in the right eye.  Hopefully won't happen again,  but hey,
 I'm out of school aren't I?  ( unfortunately,  being out of school caused a whole lot of other problems,  like my English common test being readjusted and Music exam going out of wack,  but.
 Now,  I spent half of today in bed,  fearing all bright lights and trying to avoid a little puppy dog ( his name's Monty)  who kept jabbing me viciously in the ribs to play ball with him =  The other half I spent readjusting my RAM and booting into and out of Linux trying to get my Windows partition to work (
if you're not a nerd,  don't worry by what I mean,  just computer troubles)  and then the rest watching Fellowship of the Ring DVD and doing some quick tests and tricks in CG.  Well.  Depression became an onset.
 Hopefully due to some of the pain it was under,  but I'm guessing quite a bit of it was not.  By the way,  this is the kind of depression where you just don't feel productive and think you're wasting your time,  not the quite brutal and vicious kind of depression that therapy is needed to fix ( well,
 hopefully it's not.  lol)  I feel that I'm not making headway with my CG,  feeling worried that I'm going to fail myself.  That's the biggest problem with being self- taught,
 failures has no reassurance,  only that you are to blame.  I'm trying to work hard,  but I'm just not making any progress,  and then I get the fears that I could be wasting all my time and that I may need to be born with a specific mindset to be successful,  like left handed people being more creative (
and I'm right * sigh*  So,  in desperation,  I turn to the only place that has really ever helped me.  The Net.
 My parents,  although loving and supportive ( as any good parents should be = P )  wouldn't have a clue about computer graphics ( tho my dad is on the thoughtful and philosophical side and my mum is quite a techy,
 works as Web Content manager for IBM's IBM. com/ au site and taught me HTML in Year 3!  = P )  and some of my friends are wacky enough to start up their own cartoons (
and I'm sure some have lol)  none of them can offer the help I need.  urlLink CGTalk ( which I noted earlier)  is the home to thousands upon thousands of artists,  and is a larger version of my home sweet forum urlLink Elysiun ,
 which is much more friendly but not quite as advanced.  Searching it discovered urlLink this thread which may help me!  Even if it doesn't help me progess,  I've been broken out of the slum,  usually only broken by a good night ( or good nights)
 of sleep and a morning that would make Dory from Finding Nemo look knowledgable!  = P I am also underage for any alchohol consumption,  which people have hitherto told me that it cures depression,  only resulting in a mild feeling of being on fire the next morning = P Of the greatest help in that thread so far is Mooncalf's comments.
 People like that I respect,  they don't simply go on a forum to get the highest post count,  and even if they do,  they get to the highest post count posting helpful information all the way.  Apart from Mooncalf's awe inspiring approach,  the others suggest DVDs and training videos.
 * sigh*  If I had the money.  of course.  I'm a Year Nine student,  who is even legally allowed to work yet,
 living in Australia with most of the DVDs being American.  I would have to pay for a DVD in Australian dollars ( I hate the price of the dollar at the moment,  whether or not we get more tourists lol)  and then ship it all the way around the world and hope they don't stuff the 8 for a 4 and get my package delivered somewhere in the red centre.  *
sigh*  Maybe I have bi- polar depression lol!  * after doing a quick Google*  Hmm.
 This isn't good.  After checking out the urlLink five main types of depression ,  bi- polar does actually fit me very well.  The site urlLink here describes bi- polar,
 with the very unfortunately snippets of -  I doubt completely my ability to do anything well.  It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless.  I am haunted with the desperate hopelessness of it all.  ( sound similar to above to you?
 At first when I'm high,  it's tremendous. ideas are fast. like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear. all shyness disappears,  the right words and gestures are suddenly there.
uninteresting people,  things,  become intensely interesting.  ( if you know me on a hyper day,  this is me.
 The individual often will deny that anything is wrong.  In its early stages,  bipolar disorder may masquerade as a problem other than mental illness.  For example,  it may first appear as alcohol or drug abuse,  or poor school or work performance.
 ( Quote from above -  By the way,  this is the kind of depression where you just don't feel productive and think you're wasting your time,  not the quite brutal and vicious kind of depression that therapy is needed to fix and look at the bad work performance part,  I feel that I'm not making headway with my CG,
 feeling worried that I'm going to fail myself.  )  Well,  that's not great.  lol.  Maybe I should get that checked out.
 I'm going to have an appointment with my General Practitioner anyway,  may as well bring it up ( preferably with my mum out of the room,  not that that'll stop her finding out lol)  Anyway,  was just on the phone with her and already told her.
 No freaks,  just an overtly calm mother saying " oooookkkk.  Remember,  9: 30 tomorrow,
 I'm going to have to get you up early.  Well,  actually,  you'll be getting up later than usual.  anywayyyyyyy.  =
