  It's like 10:17 in the morning right now and I still haven't slept.. I know you told me to K, but I just don't want to shut my eyes.. If I did I don't wish that they would open again.. I have never done what you did before.. Maybe I'm just too chicken to do it but I guess I still have a purpose here.. What the hell is it I don't know..
Wish that dude up there would tell me earlier or leave a note or something coz life is getting frustrating.. For almost 6 days now I've been hearing my granny shouting every morning.. SHe's got stroke and she practically doesn't recognize what's what anymore.. But her shouting and screaming is just making my day worse.. I feel that I'm losing it too.. I wake each day as if a conflict goes inside of me.. One minute I'd get really flared up but the next I try to calm myself down.. It's never ending and it's so tiring.. Insanity I guess but sometimes I think I am getting stronger which ultimately means I am becoming colder..
Nothing seems to matter these days.. Very few things excite me.. Either that or when it does, someone just have to take the bucket of water fill it with lots of ice and pour it over my head.. As if happiness is something I should never have.. Maybe I shouldn't think.. I need some coffee.. I need a ciggy.. I need to chill.. SO tired.. 
